


“LADY IN WAITING”

by Slasherfem



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Warning: Angst and Explicit Sex!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-28 13:24:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15708105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slasherfem/pseuds/Slasherfem
Summary: Saavik confides in Kirk about what happened between her and the reborn Spock on the Genesis planet, and the consequences thereof.





	1. CHAPTER ONE

**Author's Note:**

  * For [K.R. my first slash editor](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=K.R.+my+first+slash+editor).



> This story takes place In-Between “Star Trek III: The Search for Spock” and “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home”.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Once again I’m herding Paramount’s cash cows, but I’m no rustler; I just want a little cream for my coffee. If there are any profits to be made off of Kirk, Spock, et al., I’m not entitled to them, so I’m not claiming them.

CHAPTER ONE

 Admiral James Tiberius Kirk stood on the red sands of Vulcan with his red uniform jacket off, the sleeves of his soiled white turtleneck rolled up to the elbows and his fists planted on his hips, staring at the dilapidated Klingon Bird-of-Prey that his chief engineer was laboring over, along with a half dozen Vulcan engineers. The rest of his remaining crew was going in and out of the ship, restocking it with food fit for humans, repairing the controls and re-labeling them in Federation Standard, getting it ready to return to Earth, where they were to stand trial for the theft and destruction of the ENTERPRISE, as well as for taking it to the Genesis world without permission, not to mention all the other high and low crimes they’d been forced to commit in order to save Spock and McCoy. 

_*If we hadn’t gone to the Genesis world, we wouldn’t have found Spock born again, an empty vessel for the katra he left in Bones’ head. If it wasn’t for the Klingons, we wouldn’t have been able to escape from Genesis after it began deteriorating.  But if it wasn’t for the Klingons, we wouldn’t have had to destroy the ENTERPRISE_ _to keep it from falling into their hands. And David would still be alive.*_  Grief for the son he had barely known made Kirk’s eyes water; he told himself it was the glare from the red sun overhead irritating his eyes as he looked away.

”Admiral Kirk?” a young female voice said from behind him.  Kirk wiped his right forearm over his face as if he were wiping off sweat before turning towards the speaker, a tall, slender Vulcan girl with dark auburn hair, in Starfleet uniform.  Kirk knew that she was only half Vulcan; she was Spock’s protégé Saavik, whom he had rescued along with a small band of other half-breed children from a failed Romulan colony called Hellguard.  The old, the sick, and the mentally ill had been abandoned when the colonists left, along with the little half-breed trophies they had fathered or borne from the Vulcan slaves they’d captured, from several Vulcan space vessels that had been lured to Hellguard by a false distress signal.  Spock had been part of the expedition sent to Hellguard after the Romulans left, to find out what had happened to those Vulcan ships and whether any of the crews had survived. 

Looking at her now, Kirk found it hard to believe this poised and confident young woman had once been a sullen brat with a devilish temper and a tendency to hoard food. She had spent the first ten years of her life as a feral street child, stealing and scavenging from trash heaps to stay alive.  Spock had been the only one she trusted at first; she had regarded his human bondmate with suspicion, especially since he was male. The first time she had seen Kirk put his arms around Spock, she had lunged at him, screaming like a banshee, beating him with her little fists, kicking him, even biting him.  After Spock had pried her off, calmed her down, and asked her to explain why she was so hostile to his bondmate, she had told him in faltering Standard that she thought Kirk was attacking him. She had seen what happened to other half-breed girls her age and younger when men got their hands on them.  Even young boys on Hellguard hadn’t gone unmolested by the criminal scum that had been left behind.  It had been a year before she became accustomed to seeing them showing affection for one another.  When she finally allowed Kirk to hug her, he had felt as relieved and happy as the day the feral cat on his parent’s farm in Iowa, when he was a little boy, had allowed him to pet her. “Yes, Saavik?” he now said to her, noticing how pale she seemed beneath her olive-bronze complexion. 

“I need to speak to you, sir. Privately.” 

“Very well. Let’s go inside.”  He headed towards the Klingon ship.

“Please, sir, not in there. There are too many people coming and going.  What I have to say is for your ears only.”

“All right, then, let’s go into the sanctuary.” He turned and made for the ancient stone temple where they had been residing since they came to Vulcan on their stolen ship.  Spock and McCoy had undergone the _Fal-tor-pan_ not too far from here on Mount Selaya.  But even after having his _katra_ restored, Spock still couldn’t remember what he and Kirk had been to one another. He knew that they were close friends, even called him “Jim”; with a little effort, he had remembered the names of their former crewmates too.  But he seemed to have forgotten that they were bondmates.  He had even forgotten Saavik, which Kirk was sure must be painful to her.  She managed to hide her pain behind the serene Vulcan façade Spock had taught her, while Kirk hid his pain in his heart. 

Kirk led the way into the guest quarters of the sanctuary, where he shared a room with McCoy and Scott. Sulu and Chekov shared the room next door, while Uhura shared a room with Saavik.  They met Uhura on her way out, also jacketless, holding a big wooden bowl full of Vulcan fruit and bread rolls.

“Hi, Nyota! Is that for me?”  Kirk pretended to be greedy as he reached for the bowl.

“No, this is lunch for Scotty and the boys. Get your own, Jim!”  The petite African woman managed to elude his grasping hands. 

“Aw, come on! I’ve been working just as hard as them.”

“Oh, really? Then what are you doing here instead of on the ship?” 

“Scotty made me take a break after I dropped a monkey wrench inside the waste disposal unit. Good thing it was empty.  But it still smelled pretty bad.”

“You’re lucky he didn’t make you go down there and get it out,” Uhura commented.

“Rank does have its privileges,” Kirk agreed. “Is there any coffee?” 

 "Amanda sent a fresh supply this morning. There’s also iced starfruit tea, which the priestesses were kind enough to leave for us along with the food.”

“Ummm! Remind me to leave a large donation to this temple before we go.” 

“All visitors are entitled to hospitality here. But I’m sure they’re not adverse to a few credits in the temple coffers.”  Smiling, Uhura turned her attention to Saavik.  “Are you feeling any better, Saavik?”

“Yes, thank you, Commander Uhura,” Saavik said quietly. “I believe I may be able to take some nourishment.” 

“Well, help yourself. There’s still plenty of food left.”  Uhura nodded towards the alcove where a woven basket full of bread rolls and another full of fruit stood on a round, wooden table, along with a clay pitcher of the iced fruit tea and a thermal carafe full of coffee sent by Spock’s mother.  “Don’t stay out in the sun too long,” Uhura admonished her as she left.  “I’m sure that’s what must be causing your headaches and nausea.”  

Saavik said nothing, but she flushed green and dropped her eyes. Kirk wondered if she was ashamed of herself for showing weakness.

“I guess I’ll grab a cup of coffee and a bite to eat,” he commented. “Care to join me, Saavik?”

“Yes, thank you, sir.” She followed him to the alcove and sat down on one of the low wooden stools, reaching for the iced starfruit tea, made from a sweet Vulcan citrus fruit that tasted lemony.  Kirk reached for the carafe and poured himself a mug of black coffee, still fresh and hot.  It was relatively cool inside the sanctuary, which enabled him to enjoy his hot coffee despite the heat outside.  He reached for a bread roll and bit into it, found soft, white cheese inside and ate it happily.  Saavik poured herself a cup of cold tea into one of the mugs, which she sipped slowly.

Kirk swallowed his mouthful of bread roll and washed it down with a sip of coffee before addressing her. “So, Saavik, what is it you wanted to tell me?” 

“It’s—personal, sir.” She flushed green again and seemed to have trouble looking at him. 

“How personal? If you’d rather discuss it with a woman, we can wait until Uhura gets back.” 

“No, sir, this matter concerns you. Or rather, your son.” 

“My son?” Kirk’s heart ached with grief once more and his food seemed to lose its savor.  “What about my son?”

Saavik made a visible effort to compose herself before she continued. “As you know, sir, David and I befriended each other on the ENTERPRISE before we left on the U.S.S. GRISSOM together, when it was sent to explore the new Genesis planet.  Though our mission was brief, we managed to become close friends.  Very close.”  Her Vulcan calm seemed near the breaking point; Kirk could see how tightly her hands clenched her mug as she spoke, and her eyes looked suspiciously shiny. 

“Are you saying that you and David had a relationship, Saavik?” Kirk asked her gently.

She nodded mutely. It took a while before she was able to speak again.  When she did, it was in a grief-stricken whisper.  “He was the first man I ever allowed to touch me intimately.” 

Kirk nodded, saying nothing. He recognized the signs of a young woman in love.  He waited for her to get a hold of herself and speak again. 

“David and I knew each other intimately for the first time on ENTERPRISE. We knew each other again on the GRISSOM, just before we beamed down to the Genesis planet to find out what the new life sign reading signified.  That was when we found Spock, a mindless, frightened child, in agony from the death throes of the dying planet. He grew to adolescence in the space of 24 hours, during which the Klingons arrived and destroyed the GRISSOM, beamed down and took us prisoner, and killed David.  But before they did, we spent the night on the planet.  While David was out exploring, hoping to find other survivors of the GRISSOM, Spock and I were alone together in the cave where we took shelter.  That was when Spock went into _pon farr.”_

She looked up at him with such sad eyes, Kirk knew it had to be extremely difficult for her to speak of such matters to him. “I know that he was your bondmate, sir.  I know that you and he were devoted to one another.  Even as a child, I saw how much you cared for one another, in a way that he could never care for me.  But I didn’t mind, because I needed a father at that time, and he became my father as well as my teacher and mentor.  He taught me about my Vulcan heritage and the reasons why we put aside emotion for logic.  He also taught me the meaning of duty, and of honor.  So when his reborn self went into _pon farr_ on the Genesis planet, I was the only one there who knew what he was going through, what would happen to him if he did not ease the madness with the act of mating. I have never experienced _pon farr_ myself, but he told me about it when I was fourteen, and Lady Amanda explained it to me further when I was sixteen, while I was living here on Vulcan with his parents. So I—” Saavik swallowed hard as she forced herself to keep looking at him, though the tears were starting to show in her dark eyes. “I offered myself to him, to ease the madness and the pain. I didn’t want him to die again.”  

Kirk felt as if he’d been punched in the stomach. His Spock, his _t’hy’la,_ the other half of his soul, had been with a woman!  His own protégé and foster daughter!  “I knew it was wrong, sir,” Saavik said tearfully.  “I knew that no one should come between a pair of bondmates.  But you were far away, and he was in need, and I was the only one there.  So I did what had to be done, to save his life.”

Kirk swallowed his pain and pride to reassure the troubled young woman. “It’s all right, Saavik.  I forgive you.  I know it couldn’t have been easy for you...” He hesitated, trying to put this delicately.  “Being forced to mate with the man you considered your father figure.  Especially after falling in love with my son.”  He studied her face.  “Did David know what happened?”

“No, he never knew. I didn’t get a chance to tell him before the Klingons captured us.  And you know what happened to him shortly afterwards.”  Saavik hung her head and covered her face with her hands.  Kirk didn’t know whether she was hiding her tears or was just too ashamed to show her face.  

“Saavik, Saavik, it’s okay,” he assured her gently, even though his heart ached at the thought of Spock with another. “I’m grateful to you for saving his life.  And I’m sorry you were forced to do so, after having been with David.  But at least we both have David’s memory to console us, even though we couldn’t save them both.” 

Saavik looked up at him again, looking even more miserable than before. “But sir, I—I’m trying to tell you that—that I have more than a memory of what happened on the Genesis planet.  Even though I have never been in _pon farr_ , apparently I—I was fertile enough to—conceive.”  She swallowed hard and blurted out, “I am with child, sir, and I do not know whether it is David’s or Spock’s!”


	2. Chapter 2

Much later that same day, Sarek of Vulcan emerged from his study in his black houserobe and headed for the diningroom to sit down to the evening meal with his wife. Just as he was about to enter the diningroom, his steward approached him.  “Lord Sarek, you have visitors.  Admiral James Kirk and Lieutenant Saavik are here.” 

Raising one bushy grey eyebrow in surprise and curiosity, Sarek said, “Show them in to the parlor, Sulemon. Inform my wife that we have visitors, and tell the housekeeper not to serve dinner until we are certain if they intend to stay for it.” 

Bowing, Sulemon departed. Sarek proceeded at his leisure to the parlor, wondering why his son-in-law had suddenly chosen to avail himself of his standing invitation to attend their family meals.  Perhaps he had news of Spock?  Sarek knew how it grieved him that Spock had forgotten they were bonded.  And why had his son’s foster daughter accompanied him?  Her presence at their family meals would have been equally welcomed, but for her stubborn insistence that she be treated no differently than the other members of Admiral Kirk’s crew.  In that respect she was exactly like Spock and his bondmate, for all that they had spent most of her formative years living apart due to the demands of their careers. 

Sarek arrived at the parlor to find his wife, in a rose-pink houserobe, affectionately embracing Kirk, as Saavik stood silently beside him. “It’s so good to see you, Jim!” Amanda told him lovingly.  “I hope you can stay for dinner.”  She then turned her loving smile on Saavik. “Saavik- _kam_ , where have you been, child?  I have missed you.”

Saavik looked at Amanda; Sarek noted that her face was still overly expressive, by Vulcan standards, and was easily able to interpret her expression as one of guilt. “Forgive me, Amanda, for not having been more attentive.  I did not wish to be a burden to you.” 

“You have never been a burden to us, child. And what’s your excuse for not visiting us for so long, Jim?” 

Kirk laughed. “Come on, Amanda, you know that all of us have been busy refitting that Klingon death trap, so we can fly back to Earth to face the music!” 

“Yes, I know. Why you don’t just borrow the ambassadorial shuttle is beyond me!  I’m sure that Sarek wouldn’t mind.  Would you, Sarek?”  Amanda turned to her husband, whom she had just noticed.  “Look who’s come to visit us!” 

“Yes, my wife, I see that James and Saavik are here.” He gave Kirk a kinsman’s greeting, holding out his hands to him palm up.  “It is good to see you, James.” 

“And you too, Sarek.” Kirk deferentially laid his open hands on Sarek’s hands, clasping them briefly.  “Please forgive the intrusion, so close to dinnertime.  Saavik and I are here on family business.”

“It is never an intrusion to receive you, James. You know that you are always welcome here, despite your bondmate’s absence.” 

A brief look of sadness came over Kirk’s expressive face. He looked away, but Sarek could feel his sorrow through the skin of his palms.  “It is my bondmate that I wish to discuss, Sarek.  Concerning what happened to him on the Genesis Planet.  I have bought Saavik along to tell you about it, since it concerns her.”

Sarek turned his benign gaze on his son’s protégé. “How does this concern you, Saavik- _kam_?” 

Hearing Sarek address her by the affectionate diminutive Vulcans use toward their children bought tears to her eyes. He had done so since the first time Spock had brought her here to his parents’ house, to be cared for while he was on Starfleet business.  Then she had been a child of twelve, still relatively innocent despite the life she had led on Hellguard.  Now she was a child no more, as Sarek would shortly discover.  _*Will I still be welcome in his house, once he learns what I have done? Will my child and I both be krenath*, branded by shame?*_

“Come sit down, both of you,” Amanda urged them. “We have time for a brief discussion before dinner is served.  Have you heard from Spock, Jim?  How is he doing?”

“T’Lar assured me that his training was almost complete,” Kirk said, as he took a seat on the gold-colored settee. Saavik sat down nervously beside him. “She’d like you both to be there when he completes the final phase."

“But has he showed any sign of remembering you, Jim?” Amanda inquired anxiously.

Kirk sighed. “No, I’m afraid not.” 

“Oh, dear! How is it possible to forget your own bondmate?” Amanda fretted, sitting next to her husband on a gold-colored loveseat.  “I would never forget Sarek in a million years!” 

“You are also unforgettable, my wife,” Sarek told her tenderly. “But Spock has been through a great deal.  It is not surprising that he has difficulty recalling his former life.  It is often so with those who have suffered a traumatic experience.  You must admit that being resurrected from the dead is undoubtedly a traumatic experience.” 

“To say the least! Are you sure it’s a good idea to allow him to accompany Jim and the others to Earth?”

“It was his idea, Amanda. Remember that I intend to be there as well, to testify on behalf of James and his crew.  But let us defer that discussion for later.”  Sarek turned his intent gaze on Kirk and Saavik.  “Why are you both here tonight, James?”

Kirk took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. _*Okay, here it goes. Please let them understand...*_ “Sarek, Amanda,” he said slowly, “it is my duty to inform you that there is to be an addition to the family.”

Sarek and Amanda both regarded him with surprise, as this phrase was traditionally used by the heir of a highborn Vulcan family, or his bondmate, to announce a pregnancy. “How is this so, James?” Sarek inquired.  “Did you and Spock adopt a child before this business with the Genesis Project?” 

“No, Sarek. Someone accepted the surrogacy for me, while Spock and I were separated.  You see, when he was resurrected on the Genesis Planet, he went through _pon farr_...”  Kirk laid it out for them as delicately as possible.  When he got to the part where Spock and Saavik were left alone together in the cave while David went to look for survivors of the GRISSOM, he turned to Saavik.  “You can take it from here, Saavik,” he told her gently.  “Just tell them in your own words what happened.” 

Her face alternately flushed bright green with shame and pale with embarrassment, Saavik told her foster grandparents what had happened in the cave between her and Spock, when his resurrected body had aged to the point where he was forced to undergo the seven-year mating fever.  When she was finished, she bowed her head and covered her face with her hands.  “I ask forgiveness for having violated the mating bond between Spock and Admiral Kirk,” she whispered.  “Please believe me when I say that was not my intention.  I sought only to save Spock’s life.” 

Sarek and Amanda both sat silently as they regarded the young woman sitting beside their son-in-law. Seeing Kirk regarding her too, not with anger but with pity, they opened their hearts to her.  “There is nothing to forgive, child,” Sarek assured her.  “What you did would be considered immoral on Earth.  But on Vulcan, such an act is considered the highest form of compassion.  Lying with a male in the grip of _pon farr_ , who is neither your husband nor your intended husband, as a willing sacrifice, is an act of mercy.  Particularly when his rightful bondmate is unable to attend to his need.  Our healer-priests and priestesses consider this a sacred duty, and urge all who are unbonded to lie with one of them when their need is on them.

“In ancient times, before the birth of Surak, when wars were fought frequently on our world, warriors were often overcome by the mating fever when they were far from their homes and bondmates. If it was not possible for them to return home, or to have their bondmates come to them, then it was permissible for someone else to accept the surrogacy on their bondmates’ behalf.  More often then not, it would be their closest male friend, or _t’hy’la,_ who would accept this responsibility.  But when a willing female offered herself, she would be treated with honor, as a surrogate for the warrior’s wife.  And if she conceived, her child would be acknowledged and raised under its father’s roof as one of his heirs. 

“So you see, you have nothing to fear, Saavik,” Sarek concluded, using the adult form of her name as a reflection of her changed status, from child to adult. “Your child will be acknowledged and raised under this roof as Spock’s rightful heir.” 

Instead of being comforted by this information, Saavik’s slender shoulders began to shake as she wept into her hands. Kirk reached out to take her into his arms.  “There, there, it’s all right,” he soothed her.  “You heard Sarek.  It’s going to be all right.”

“No it isn’t!” cried Saavik, her voice choked with sobs. “I have no right to shelter beneath this roof!  I don’t even know whose child I bear!” 

Sarek and Amanda both looked confused. “But didn’t you just tell us that you were, um, intimate with Spock?” Amanda asked. 

“We didn’t tell you the whole story, Amanda,” Kirk confessed as he held the weeping Saavik. “You see, Saavik and my son David fell in love on the ENTERPRISE.  They were intimate on at least two occasions before they beamed down to the Genesis Planet.  So we don’t know if she’s bearing my grandchild or yours.” 

This additional information stunned both the older people to silence. Kirk kept himself busy comforting Saavik, allowing Sarek and Amanda to absorb the information.  At last Sarek spoke.  “This changes nothing, James.  Whether she is bearing your son’s child or ours, she will still be welcome beneath this roof.  Having accepted the surrogacy for you makes her the mother of Spock’s heir.  Having lain with your son makes her the mother of your heir.  We shall not know which it is until a DNA scan can be safely performed on the unborn child.  Regardless of the results, she will be sheltered and cared for in our home as befits one who bears an acknowledged heir of the house.”

“But Sarek, what shall we say to people who ask whose child she bears?” Amanda murmured distressfully.

“We shall merely say that she accepted the surrogacy for James, my wife,” Sarek informed her with dignity. “There is no need to volunteer the information that she was also intimate with David Marcus.  It might give the mistaken impression of promiscuity.” 

“But what happens if the DNA scan reveals it is David’s child?”

“It will still be the heir of this house,” Sarek insisted, “since it will be of James’ bloodline, and James is Spock’s lawful bondmate. At any rate, I see no need to give more information than is necessary to those whose questions go beyond courteous inquiry.  We will not be lying, merely concealing a portion of the truth.”       

“Oh, I see,” said Amanda with a mischievous smile. “You’re just being diplomatic.” 

Sarek gave her a pained look. “I am doing what is necessary to protect Saavik’s honor, as well as the honor of our house.  You will oblige me, my wife, by welcoming Saavik into our household as you would a daughter-in-law.  By the old custom she would be considered a ‘small wife’, subordinate to James, since he is the primary spouse.  He has also provided us with an heir of his own blood, in the form of his nephew.”      

“How is Peter, by the way?” Amanda asked Kirk.

“He’s fine. Last time I heard from him, his ship was in the Antares Cluster.  You remember Peter?” Kirk said to Saavik, now calm and quiet, wiping the last of the tears from her face. “Lieutenant Peter James Kirk, assigned to the U.S.S. GANYMEDE?  I think you met him once, when Spock brought you to Earth for the first time.” 

“Yes, I remember now,” she said slowly, a thoughtful frown on her face as if she were trying to remember. “It was at your residence in San Francisco, during the Terran winter holiday called Christmas. He was a tall young man, with red hair.  I must have been between eleven and twelve years old.” 

“Yes, he was our presumptive heir, since Spock and I could obviously never have one of our own. But now you’re about to give us an heir apparent.”  Kirk hugged her and smiled into her tear-stained face.  “Whether it’s Spock’s child or David’s, either way it’s an heir of our direct bloodline.  And it’ll look Vulcan enough to live happily on this world with you.  Unless you prefer to remain in Starfleet and let Sarek and Amanda foster it for you.” 

Amanda looked up eagerly at Kirk’s suggestion of fostering the child. Sarek did not look adverse to the prospect either.  It helped to set Saavik’s mind at ease, knowing that her child would be welcomed and accepted as she never was.  If only David had lived, it would have been perfect.  Tears came to her eyes again as she remembered his death on the Genesis planet, killed while protecting her from the Klingon warrior who had been ordered by his commander to kill one of the hostages at random.  He had picked her; David had stopped him from sinking his knife into her back, only to be stabbed to death himself.  The burden of guilt for his death would always be with her, along with the burden of shame for betraying him with Spock. 

_*I saved Spock’s life only to lose David’s. Now I have a new life within me that may be a living memorial of David.  If only I knew for sure...*_ Saavik put a hand over her belly, feeling a sensation of discomfort as her uterus stretched to accommodate its tenant. It was painful, but not agonizing; just a constant reminder that her womb was occupied.  At least she was no longer nauseous.  In fact, she was beginning to feel hungry again.  “May I trouble you for something to eat, Amanda?” she asked apologetically.  “I find it difficult to eat in the mornings, when I am nauseous.  I can usually eat a little for lunch, but it is in the evenings that I feel most hungry.”

“Of course you do! That’s part of pregnancy, Saavik- _kam_.  Come, join us for dinner, both of you,” Amanda urged them.  “We’ll work on what we’re going to tell Starfleet when you request maternity leave.”  She got up and offered Saavik a hand up from her seat.  Saavik accepted her help gratefully, if a bit self-consciously, and Amanda escorted her into the diningroom, asking questions about her pregnancy while Kirk and Sarek followed close behind, feeling left out as males usually do when females are preoccupied with the question of reproduction.

 

_*krenath, Vulcan word for a child born out of wedlock, literally ‘shamed one’; but the shame refers to the parents’ lack of control in conceiving the child, rather than the child’s illegitimacy._


	3. Chapter 3

When Kirk returned to the sanctuary the following morning, he found Doctor McCoy in the dining alcove eating a bread roll with coffee. “There you are at last!” the doctor proclaimed in his raspy voice.  “I had to show the note you left to everybody else last night, so they wouldn’t think you had abandoned ship.  Hope you had a good dinner with your in-laws.  I’m sure you didn’t have the same thing for breakfast.”

 “Come on, Bones, you know you’re welcome to eat there any time at all,” Kirk reminded him. “You and everybody else on the ENTERPRISE crew.”

“None of us is married to the ambassador’s son, Jim. We wouldn’t dream of imposing.  Besides, I’m a bit leery of being around Sarek and Amanda since this Moo Goo Gai Pan ritual I had to undergo to put Spock’s brain back in his head.”

 “You mean the _Fal-tor-Pan_ , Bones,” Kirk corrected him patiently.  “Why would you feel uncomfortable around Spock’s parents?” 

 “Because the last time I was with them, I kept feeling an urge to call them “Father” and “Mother”, and I don’t think that’ll go over too well with the spirits of my real parents. May they rest in peace.”  McCoy paused for a sip of coffee, then looked at the bread roll in his other hand and frowned.  “That soy sausage I asked ‘em to bake into this tastes more like bacon.  Why is it so hard for Vulcans to get meat flavors right?” 

“Maybe because they have no idea what meat is supposed to taste like,” Kirk suggested as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “It takes experienced carnivores like us to know what real meat tastes like.” 

“Damn it, Jim, I’m not a carnivore! Just a good ol’ Southern boy who misses his sausage and eggs for breakfast.  I wonder if they serve it in the stockade?  Or whatever detention facility we end up in?”  

“Don’t be such a pessimist, Bones. We’ll beat the rap, once they see we’ve restored a valuable Starfleet officer to our ranks.” 

“At the cost of a crew of Klingons, which the Klingon ambassador is claiming we lured into ambush, so we could slaughter them in cold blood,” McCoy said disgustedly. “Or so Starfleet Command’s latest communiqué informs me.” 

“What about the crew of the GRISSOM, which the Klingons destroyed without a second thought in their eagerness to claim the Genesis Planet? Not to mention my son!”  Kirk looked mad enough to spit at the Klingon ambassador’s presumption. 

“Take it easy, Jim. You know the Federation rarely takes the Klingons’ charges seriously.”  McCoy took a bite from a crisp redfruit and chewed it thoughtfully.  After he had swallowed it, he added, “By the way, that Klingon prisoner of ours agreed to testify on our behalf, after his government refused to repatriate him.  Apparently they consider him a traitor for not having died with honor along with the rest of his crew.  I guess he figured that since he’s been branded with the name of traitor, he might as well earn it.” 

“Hmph! I wonder what they offered him in return for his testimony?  Asylum on Wrigley’s Pleasure Planet?” 

“He could just be doing it for revenge on his government, for slandering his honor. Remember these people live for honor and revenge.”

“Here’s to honor and revenge, then.” Kirk lifted his coffee mug in a mock toast before downing the contents.

McCoy chuckled, and then looked around. “By the way, where’s Saavik?  Didn’t she come back with you?”

“She’s staying with Sarek and Amanda now. She can get better care with them.”

“Better care? Is she sick?” McCoy asked with great concern.  “Uhura told me she had been having headaches and nausea.  I was going to examine her when she got back.” 

“She’s not sick, Bones. She’s pregnant.” 

“What?!?” yelled McCoy. “How the hell did that happen?” 

“She and David fell in love while they were on the ENTERPRISE together,” Kirk explained. “And they knew each other in the Biblical fashion twice, before David was killed.”

“Oh, thank God it was David!” McCoy sighed, sagging against the cool stone wall that his stool was backed against. “I was afraid she had been raped by one of those damned Klingons who took them prisoner.”

“No, none of the Klingons touched her. Except for the usual manhandling they give their prisoners.  Which I’m sure felt like a violation to her.”  Kirk, who had suffered many such violations in the past, looked grim.  “But that wasn’t the worse part.” 

“No? What else did those damned Klingons do to her, besides manhandle her and kill the father of her child?” 

Kirk sighed and pushed his hair back from his face. “Bones, I’m going to tell you something in strictest confidence.  Promise me you’ll never tell a living soul.” 

“Of course I won’t. You know I can keep a secret, Jim. What is it?”

Kirk poured himself another cup of coffee and drank half of it before he spoke. “While Saavik and Spock were hiding in the cave where David left them, Spock went into _pon farr_.  Saavik knew what would happen to him if he didn’t mate.  So since I wasn’t there and she was, she offered herself to him to save his life.” 

“But that means she could be carrying Spock’s baby!” McCoy blurted out. He saw the hurt look that came over his friend’s face at his words and hastened to comfort him.  “It could just as easily be David’s.  After all, he was with her first.”

“That’s where you come in, Bones,” Kirk told him. “We need someone discreet to perform the DNA scan on the fetus.” 

“That depends on how far along she is.”

“Still in her first trimester. Can you do it at this stage without harming her or the baby?”

“I don’t know, Jim,” McCoy said slowly; he had put down his coffee mug and bread roll and was now staring at his hands, which trembled slightly as they hovered before him like nervous birds. “My hands are still a bit shaky.  Spock’s not the only one still recovering from that Moo Goo Gai Pan, you know.”

“ _Fal-tor-Pan_ , Bones.  And you’re the only physician I know well enough to trust with such a delicate task.  I don’t want Saavik’s reputation to suffer.  Vulcans would consider what she did an act of compassion, to save a life.  But some old-fashioned humans, especially those fossils in Starfleet Command, would only see her as a slut who slept with two men."

“That’s pretty harsh, Jim boy,” McCoy drawled, the Southern gentleman in him automatically rising in defense of a lady’s honor. “She was in love with David, and she loved Spock like a father.  Loved him enough to sacrifice her virtue to save his life.” 

“And I don’t want her sacrifice to be in vain. For her own peace of mind, as well as the family records of Spock’s clan, we have to know who fathered her child.  Can you do it, Bones?  Discreetly?”

“Damn it, Jim, I’m in no shape to play doctor right now! Can’t you find a discreet Vulcan physician?” 

“It’s got to be you, Bones,” Kirk insisted. “Please, for my sake and Spock’s!  This may be my grandchild she’s carrying!  If it is, it’s all I have left of David.  His mother has the right to know about it too.  Please, Bones, I’ve got to know!”

“All right, all right! But if she’s only in her first trimester, the results are likely to be inconclusive.  Why don’t we find out how far along she is first, then wait until the second trimester to do the definitive testing?” 

“Okay, but you do the pregnancy test, Bones. I’ll get Sarek to pull some strings to provide you with a medical facility to do the testing in.  Whatever you find out, you share only with me and him.  Got that?”

“Yes, sir!” McCoy gave him a snappy salute along with the sarcastic reply.  “Any other orders pertaining to the lieutenant’s pregnancy, sir?” 

Kirk laughed helplessly. “Only that you keep it a secret for now.  Once we know for sure who the father is, we’ll know what to tell Starfleet when she applies for maternity leave.” 

“At least she’ll be spared the trip to Earth,” McCoy muttered. “I wouldn’t take a dog along in that Klingon death trap, let alone a pregnant woman.” 

“First we have to fix the damned thing. Come on, let’s stop sitting around and make ourselves useful.”  Kirk rose to his feet and headed for the door.  McCoy bolted the rest of his bread roll, washed it down with coffee and took the remainder of the redfruit with him, munching it as he followed him.  On their way out, Kirk said to him, “Remember, if anyone asks about Saavik, she’s laid up at Sarek’s.” 

“Right, I’ll tell ‘em she’s got a touch of sunstroke and I recommended a brief rest. Tell Sarek I’ll need to examine her in a decent medical facility as soon as possible.”


	4. Chapter 4

Meanwhile, at Sarek’s residence, a troubled young woman lay in a comfortable bed with a practically untouched breakfast tray beside it. Her long, dark auburn hair was spread out on the pillow, her face bore a worried look that was at variance with her Vulcanoid features, and her hands rested on her belly over the covers.  She was thinking that she had come a long way from Hellguard, where her usual bed had been a hole in the sand behind some sheltering rock, with a bundle of rags for a pillow and whatever ragged length of fabric she could find for a cover.  She usually woke up hungry, her thoughts concerned mainly with finding food and avoiding a beating or worse from the sociopaths who had been abandoned by the Romulan colonists, along with the sick and elderly they preyed on. 

Most of the sick ones had been Vulcan slaves, burned out by the drugs they had been given to ensure their compliance, and the uses they had been put to by their Romulan masters. They had retained enough of their Vulcan decencies to care for the abandoned half-breed children many of them had been forced to bear or father.  Whatever food they could spare, they gave to the children, as well as tending to their injuries and educating them as best they could.  But all of them had gradually died, too weakened by physical and sexual abuse, and drug withdrawal, to go far in search of food, or to defend themselves from the roving sociopaths.  The only kindness Saavik had ever known had been from these pitiful former slaves, one of whom had given her the name Saavik while holding her in her wasted arms, rocking her gently to soothe her crying. 

 _*Hush, Saavik, my little cat.*_  She recalled the murmur of a gentle voice that she still heard in her dreams now and then. * _Do not cry like a starving kitten. You will attract the predators, the crazed ones roaming out there like starving le-matya, preying on the weak ones like us.  Be still, Saavik.  I will give you water to fill your belly and stop your pain, for a while.  Then you must sleep and grow strong, so that you may go out and hunt for food in the morning.  Remember what I taught you about the plants that are good to eat and the ones you must avoid.  If you must eat meat, make sure it is not green or tainted by poison.  Some of the crazed ones leave poisoned food out for the children, so they may take pleasure in watching them suffer and die.  Do not give them the pleasure of seeing you in pain, little cat.  Live long and prosper, that you may claim your Vulcan heritage one day.  Sleep, Saavik.  Sleep, little cat.  Little kitten-girl, with bright eyes and curly hair.  Sleep, poor child, while you can.*_

Tears came to Saavik’s eyes at the memory of the dying woman’s kindness. She couldn’t even remember her name, only the sound of her voice, gentle and comforting as a cool breeze on the hot, arid sands of Hellguard, and a pair of big, dark eyes, filled with compassion for an abandoned child.  That one hadn’t lived long; seven-year-old Saavik had returned from one of her food forays to find her dead, her body still warm as it lay in the abandoned house that had once belonged to her Romulan master.  Saavik had covered her with her ragged blankets and sat by her side all night, guarding her body from predators, the wild animals who sometimes wandered in from the desert to prowl these abandoned buildings in search of prey, as well as the two-legged kind.  In the morning, Saavik had gone out and laboriously gathered as many big rocks as she could find to pile on top of the body, to make sure that her gentle friend wasn’t eaten.  At the end of the day, her hands bruised and bleeding, covered with dust and exhausted from her labors, Saavik had poured the remaining contents of her friend’s water bottle over the makeshift grave as an offering, imitating the Romulan adults she had seen doing this over a loved one’s grave, usually with wine. 

 When the Vulcan rescue party arrived three years later, she had told them where to find the body. Told Spock, anyway; he was the only one she trusted, since he was the first one of the strangers to offer her food and treat her kindly when he came upon her outside his tent, gnawing on a discarded fruit rind.  His voice and manner had been as gentle as the other Vulcans’ had been, whenever she had come upon them during her never-ending search for food and shelter.  None of the dying Vulcan slaves had ever driven a half-breed child away, with threats or blows or thrown objects, nor had they ever mistreated or killed a child just for fun.  The memory of these kindnesses had been enough to send Saavik into the strangers’ camp, hoping to receive similar treatment from these more healthy and well-dressed Vulcans, even if all they did was give her a handful of food and allow her to sleep inside out of the desert cold for one night. 

Much to her surprise, she and the other children had been welcomed, given food and medical attention. The kind strangers had even taken them away from Hellguard, along with the pitifully few remaining sick and elderly Romulans who had survived their long abandonment.  The sociopaths had refused to submit to the mercy of their ancient foes; they either committed suicide or hid themselves, forcing the Vulcans to leave them behind.  Saavik learned later that the Romulans had quietly abandoned the colony after the dilithium mines had run dry, via a mass evacuation nine years ago, when she was just a year old.  That meant that someone had cared for her until she was old enough to walk, at least.  It had to have been her Vulcan parent, but she couldn’t remember whether it had been her mother or her father, or how old she had been when that parent had died.  When her friend’s body had been exhumed and autopsied, a DNA scan had revealed her to be the science officer of a missing Vulcan exploratory vessel, but not Saavik’s mother.  

Only a third of the half-breed children had been united with their Vulcan families, once their parentage had been revealed by DNA scans.  Not all the relatives of the missing Vulcans had been able to accept the fact that their children and spouses had been enslaved and forced to bear _krenath_ children to their Romulan captors.  The shame of it had made them deny the children and refuse to acknowledge them.  Upon learning this, Saavik had refused to avail herself of her right to a DNA scan, to avoid the rejection that would surely follow once the relatives of her Vulcan parent learned of her existence.  By then Spock had become father and mother to her, and she needed no one else, or so she had maintained.

Now, fifteen years later, she lay in a warm, comfortable bed in a great house, tended by servants and relatives of her foster father and mentor. Who was himself being tended by T’Lar, high priestess-healer of the Sanctuary of T’Vet outside the Vulcan capital city of Shi’Khar, to recover the memory he had lost upon his death.  Even the return of his _katra_ to his mind had not been enough to completely restore the Spock she had known.  Which made her situation doubly awkward; how was she supposed to break the news of her pregnancy to him?  He did not even remember that Admiral Kirk was his bondmate.  What would happen when he did remember?  In his present condition, he might feel obligated to offer her marriage, which was the traditional, honorable way out of her dilemma.  But not at Admiral Kirk’s expense!

Though she did not know him as well as Spock, she admired the human for his courage, his fortitude, the honorable way that he dealt with his foes, the unswerving loyalty he showed his friends, and the quiet devotion he had demonstrated whenever he and Spock had spent time together. Like most Starfleet couples, they were rarely assigned together on account of their divergent specialties, so were forced to spend long intervals apart while on duty.  She had enrolled in Starfleet Academy’s San Francisco branch on Earth precisely so that they could spend more time together, though she claimed that it was more logical for her to have her mentor close by.  Naturally her mentor had to share a residence with his bondmate while she was at the academy, which she was sure the admiral had appreciated.  But she was equally sure he wouldn’t appreciate losing his bondmate to her!

While she was pondering her dilemma, there came a knock upon the bedroom door. Startled, Saavik sat up in bed, immediately on the alert.  Then she remembered where she was and relaxed.  “Come in,” she called. 

The door opened and Amanda entered, wearing a grey satin houserobe with a white collar and wide white cuffs. “Good morning!” she said cheerfully, her grey coif as impeccable as her outfit.  “How are you today, Saavik- _kam_?”

“Very well, I thank you, Amanda.”

“But you haven’t touched a bite!” Amanda fretted, seeing the still laden breakfast tray.

“I fear I still have no appetite in the morning.”

“But you must eat, dear! The child needs the nourishment.  Can you force yourself to take a little juice and a bread roll, at least?” Amanda coaxed her.

“I shall try.” Saavik sat up straighter while Amanda picked up the tray and deposited it carefully across her lap. She really had no appetite, due to the nausea that usually greeted her upon awakening nowadays.  But to please Amanda, she took a sip of the blood orange juice from Earth and a tentative bite of the Vulcan bread roll.  The pastry was sweet and moist from the honey baked into it, soft and easy to chew.  She found herself taking bite after bite of it between sips of juice, until she reached the center full of soft, creamy cheese.  This also proved delectable.  Before she knew it, the bread roll was gone, washed down with her last sip of blood orange juice.

“There you go! See, you were hungrier than you thought,” Amanda told her with a smile.  “Now how soon can you wash up and get dressed?  Sarek has arranged an appointment for you at Shi’Khar General Hospital in the city.  Doctor McCoy will be examining you, so you don’t have to worry about your secret getting out before you’re ready to reveal it.”

“That was thoughtful of Sarek. Please thank him for me.”  Relieved at the prospect of being examined by a physician she knew, even the dour Doctor McCoy, Saavik put the tray aside again and rose to her feet.  As she did so, a wave of nausea came over her, causing her to gasp and put a hand over her mouth. 

“Oh dear!” said Amanda, regarding her with concern. “Morning sickness?”

Saavik shut her eyes and breathed deep until the feeling passed. When she was sure that she wasn’t going to throw up the delicious pastry she had just enjoyed, she uncovered her mouth and sighed with relief.  “All is well.  The feeling has passed.”

“Good for you. Now wash up and dress, Saavik- _kam_.  We have to be at the hospital by ten.” 

“You need not accompany me, Amanda.”

“Someone has to. Sarek is busy preparing his defense of Jim and his crew, and I don’t think Nyota is ready to learn about your condition just yet.  We’ll just have to break it to her along with the others.  Or rather, Leonard will.”  As she talked, Amanda was going through the closet, sorting through the spare clothing she kept there for guests.  She found a high-collared tunic in a subdued green shade, with matching trousers.  “There we go!  This should fit you perfectly.”  She laid it out on the foot of the bed, where the sateen fabric gleamed softly in the morning sunlight coming from the window.  “You can wear your Starfleet boots with that, or borrow a pair of sandals if you prefer.”  

“You are too generous, Amanda,” Saavik demurred. “I cannot wear something so fine.” 

“Well, I’m sure you’re tired of wearing that uniform! You don’t want to attract attention, do you?  Besides, I sent it with the rest of the household laundry to be cleaned.  Now I’ll leave you alone so you can get dressed.  I must change into something more suitable for travel myself.”  Amanda bustled out, leaving Saavik to her morning routine.  She was pleased to have a bathroom all to herself.  The one at the sanctuary had to be shared with the entire ENTERPRISE crew, as well as the priestesses, and the human males had a tendency to complain whenever one of the women took too long inside.  Looking forward to a real water shower instead of a sponge bath, Saavik went into the bathroom and availed herself of the facilities. 

**************** 

At precisely 10:00 a.m., Doctor Leonard McCoy was in the Obstetrics/Gynecology Clinic of the Shi’Khar General Hospital, examining Lieutenant Saavik. At the request of Ambassador Sarek, the names of the visiting physician and his patient had not been entered into the hospital’s records; a private examination room had been requested and provided, along with the use of any of the clinic’s facilities.  The hospital administrator had known better than to ask questions, once the ambassador had let it be known that the matter concerned the honor of his clan. There was an old Vulcan saying, “Let the hand of discretion cover the wise mouth”. 

Saavik lay upon the padded exam table in a white exam robe while McCoy, wearing a green healer’s robe over his much worn white shirt and brown slacks, which he’d been wearing since he left Earth three months ago, laid a sonographic sensor over her pelvic region. While the turtle shell-shaped device was running, he took a sample of blood from her uterus, quickly and painlessly with a hypospray in reverse mode.  “All right, young lady,” McCoy told her with a smile, “now I’m going to test your baby’s blood while that sonograph is developing.  You just relax and wait here.” 

“Yes, Doctor.” Saavik lay quietly, nervousness and morning sickness vying with each other to see which one could make her more uncomfortable.  The room was adequately heated for the comfort of a Vulcanoid patient, but she still felt cold with anticipation. * _Please let this be David’s child,*_ she pleaded silently to whatever god was listening.  * _I could endure the discomfort and the coming ordeal of labor with more fortitude, if I knew for sure that it was David’s child. If it is Spock’s child, it will only add to the load of guilt I am already carrying.*_

Working swiftly with the borrowed medical equipment, Doctor McCoy soon had a printed analysis of the blood sample. When he returned to the exam table where Saavik lay, the sonographic sensor’s light had gone from red to green, to indicate that the print was ready.  “Okay, Saavik, sit up and let’s face the music,” McCoy told her as he removed the device and pressed the button to make the print slide out.  Holding it up to the light, he studied it carefully.

“What do you see, Doctor?” Saavik managed to ask calmly as she sat on the edge of the exam table, her knuckles gone white as she clutched at it nervously.

“Hmmm...” McCoy murmured to himself as he studied the sonographic print. He lowered it and studied the printout of the blood test.  “Well, Saavik, I’ve got good news and bad news.  Which would you rather hear first?” 

“I would prefer to hear the good news first.”

“Okay, the good news is—” McCoy held up the sonographic print and smiled at her. “You’re having a healthy baby girl.” 

“You are sure she is healthy?” Saavik asked, laying her hands on her belly protectively.

“Positive! She’s got all ten fingers and all ten toes, one mouth, one nose, two eyes and two pointy little ears,” McCoy told her with a grin.

Saavik was relieved. She had been concerned that the child would be deformed, due to the malnourishment that she had suffered during her formative years.  But apparently the nutritional supplements she had been given after her rescue from Hellguard had made it possible for her to conceive normal offspring.  As for her prime concern, she voiced that now.  “Do you know who her father is?” 

“Well...” McCoy looked sheepish as he waved the blood analysis back and forth like a fan.  “That’s the bad news.  You see, you’re still in your first trimester.  It’s too early to tell for sure at this stage of development. The results of the fetal blood test are indeterminate.  I think the scanner’s been thrown off by your mixed Vulcan and Romulan DNA.  It does indicate that there is human DNA present, but it can’t say for sure how much.  I recommend that we wait until the second trimester and do a second test, to be absolutely sure.  If the amount of human DNA is 50%, then it’s David’s child.  If it’s only 25%, then it’s Spock’s child.” 

“I see.” Saavik continued to hold her hands over her belly protectively as she pondered this information.  “How long must we wait to perform the second test?”

“You’re in your fifth week of pregnancy now. I recommend we wait until the thirteenth week to be absolutely sure of our results.   That’s eight more weeks, Saavik.  In the meantime, I recommend you contact Starfleet Command and request maternity leave on Vulcan.  If they ask you who the father is—” McCoy paused thoughtfully and shrugged.  “Tell them honor demands that you keep the father’s identity confidential, because it involves Ambassador Sarek’s family.  That should shut them up.  Nobody wants to risk offending Sarek.”

Saavik nodded. “Thank you, Doctor.  I, too, believe it would be best if I were to remain on Vulcan for the duration of my pregnancy.  Sarek and Amanda have assured me that they will foster my child regardless of who the father is.  But while I am grateful for their kindness, I—” She faltered and looked down at her belly, tears coming to her eyes again.  “I wish I could repay them by letting them know for sure that this is their grandchild.” 

“You won’t have to wait much longer to know for sure,” McCoy told her reassuringly. “Just eight more weeks.”

“Just eight more weeks,” Saavik echoed him with a catch in her voice, looking fondly at her belly as she spoke. A stray tear escaped from the corner of one dark eye.  She wiped it away quickly.  “I seem to be more emotional than usual nowadays,” she remarked. 

“That’s not unusual, for a woman in your condition. Expect to get more emotional as the months go by.  And don’t worry about whether it’s logical for a Vulcan female!” McCoy laughed.  “Hell, even Vulcan males know better than to expect their females to be logical when they’re pregnant!”

Saavik dared to smile a little.    


	5. Chapter 5

That same evening, Saavik and Kirk met once more at Sarek’s house to discuss the results of her tests. Amanda was delighted to learn that the baby was a girl; she immediately began planning to paint the nursery pink.  Kirk was glad to learn that the child was healthy, but fretted at the prospect of having to wait eight more weeks to learn its paternity.  Sarek was more concerned with the matter of informing Spock about the possibility of his impending fatherhood.  

“Can’t it wait until we know for sure he’s the father?” Kirk argued. “Otherwise he’s liable to think that Saavik is his bondmate!” 

“The record of your bonding ceremony is in the family archives, James,” Sarek assured him. “There is also photographic evidence of your relationship, pictures taken of the two of you together, here and on Earth.” 

“But none of those pictures shows us behaving like a bonded couple, Sarek! Spock’s always been so modest in public, especially when the paparazzi start following us around after another successful mission.  Anybody who sees those pictures will think they’re only looking at a couple of good friends.”

“But Jim, don’t you have any—um, private photos?” Amanda asked delicately. “I remember Spock once told me about waking up to find you standing at the foot of the bed, wearing nothing but a camera around your neck and a big grin on your face.” 

“Oh, that.” Kirk grinned sheepishly.  “Yes, I did take nudie photos of him on our anniversary some years ago.  He did the same for me.  I even managed to get a photo of us both lying side by side in bed on Wrigley’s Pleasure Planet, when we stayed at one of those sleazy hotels with mirrors over the beds.  But those pictures are all under lock and key at our apartment in San Francisco.  I can’t return to Earth to get them without being detained by Starfleet to answer for the Genesis incident.  Neither can any of my crew.” 

“Then we must depend upon Spock’s memories of your relationship,” said Sarek, “provided they have been restored by now.”

“Have they? Have you spoken to T’Lar yet?” Kirk asked anxiously.

 “I have invited the reverend lady to our house tonight, so she may give us a report on our son’s progress. She should be here soon.  Once we know how much he remembers of his past, we should be able to ascertain if it is prudent for us to inform him of Saavik’s impending motherhood.”  

Shortly after, Sulemon the house steward entered the parlor to announce the arrival of T’Lar, high priestess and healer of T’Vet. A tall, thin, elderly Vulcan woman in white robes, her white head covered by the hood of her sari-like garment, entered the room with a slow, measured tread, the serenity on her lined face making her appear almost youthful from a distance.  Everyone rose to greet her, holding up their hands palms outward, their fingers spread in the Vulcan salute. 

Sarek came forward and greeted her formally. “Welcome, T’Lar, servant of T’Vet.  Your presence honors us and our household.”  

“I come to serve in T’Vet’s name, Lord Sarek,” the old priestess replied in the ritual High Tongue, her voice husky with age. “Her blessing be upon thee and thy house.”  Her black eyes were still clear and bright, and they missed nothing.  Seeing Saavik hanging back behind Kirk and Amanda, she took note of the young woman’s paleness, the loose clothing she wore, and the strained look around her eyes.  She had been a healer too long not to know a pregnant woman when she saw one, especially an anxious first time mother-to-be.  She made no inquiry about Saavik’s condition, merely filed the information away at the back of her mind.  If her services as a midwife were required, no doubt Lord Sarek would mention it during the course of the evening.  She greeted Sarek’s human wife and son-in-law with equal courtesy, greeted Saavik like any other member of Kirk’s crew without betraying her knowledge of the younger woman’s condition.  She allowed herself to be seated in a thronelike divan with its own footrest, both covered with gold brocade, and given refreshment, a tall glass of iced Vulcan Greenleaf tea, whose minty flavor was refreshing on a warm evening like this.  After a generous sip of the cold tea, she got right to the point.

“Thee wishes to know of thy son’s condition, Lord Sarek?” T’Lar looked at him fearlessly out of her clear, dark eyes. 

“Yes, Reverend Lady,” said Sarek, now seated at his wife’s side in the gold brocade loveseat on T’Lar’s left. “I would know how much of my son’s memory has been restored. His mother and his bondmate are both anxious on his behalf, and I wish to restore their peace of mind.”

T’Lar looked at Saavik, sitting silently in Kirk’s shadow on the sofa to the priestess’ right. “Are thee also anxious to know of Spock’s condition, Lieutenant?” 

Saavik gave a brief start, but managed to get a hold of herself quickly. “Anxiety is an emotion more suited to humans, Reverend Lady,” she replied with suitable aplomb.  “I am merely concerned with the progress you have made toward restoring my mentor to his former self.”   

T’Lar nodded approvingly. Despite her mixed heritage, the young woman was a credit to her mentor, who had also done much to distinguish his home planet despite his mixed heritage.  It remained to be seen if she could continue to maintain her stoicism once she heard T’Lar’s report.  After fortifying herself with more iced tea, she continued.  “Know then, thee who are kin to Spock, that I have used all my knowledge of medicine and psychic healing to restore his memory.  His condition is stable, both physically and mentally.  He knows his name, his race—his mixed race, I should say.”  She nodded apologetically to Amanda.  “He knows the language he grew up speaking, the culture in which he was raised.  He remembers his childhood, his education, the years he spent in Starfleet.  He remembers his crewmates on the ENTERPRISE, especially his captain, James T. Kirk, whom he refers to by the Terran diminutive Jim.” 

“Does he remember that we are bondmates?” Kirk asked eagerly, leaning toward her with hope shining in his hazel eyes.

T’Lar allowed herself a moment of pity for the human, looking at her so hopefully. “Alas, I fear thy bondmate still cannot remember what thee was to him, Admiral Kirk.”  At her words, the light of hope went out in his eyes.  Seeing how crestfallen Kirk had become, she spoke comfortingly to him, as if he were a child.  “He knows that thee are _t’hy’la_ , that is a bond that can never be broken.  He simply does not remember what degree thy relationship was.  In our culture, a _t’hy’la_ of the first degree is a cherished friend, one who is as close as a sibling.  But a _t’hy’la_ of the second degree is much closer than a sibling.  He, or she, is one’s soul mate.”

Kirk nodded silently, his expressive eyes full of pain. “Yes, that is what he was to me,” he murmured sadly.  “He has told me times without number that I am his soul mate.  But whenever I see him now, he treats me like I am only a friend.  Why can’t he remember that we were more than friends?”  

“The memory will return in time,” T’Lar assured him. “All he needs is a strong reminder, something that will pierce the veil of darkness that now covers his memory.  If thee continues to visit him daily, speak of thy life together, show him pictures of the two of thee—” She saw the human flinch at the mention of pictures and received a brief psychic flash of a much younger James T. Kirk, wearing nothing but a smile and a camera around his suntanned neck, taking a digital 3D photo of his naked, sleeping Vulcan bondmate.  She smiled inwardly, too old to be shocked or offended by such things, and quickly raised her mental shields before she was bombarded by similar images.  The last thing she needed was to be distracted from her solemn task of conferring with the patient’s family.      

“Reverend Lady,” Amanda now addressed her, “we have a problem that must be resolved as soon as possible. There is a strong possibility that our son may have fathered a child upon his protégé, Saavik.” 

“Indeed?” T’Lar raised one eyebrow in inquiry.

“Yes, but there is also the possibility that the child she bears was fathered by David Marcus, who was Jim’s son.” 

This time T’Lar raised both eyebrows in astonishment. “How did this happen, my lady?” 

“Ask Saavik.” Amanda gestured toward her helplessly. “She can describe it to you more accurately than I.”

The priestess turned her piercing gaze upon Saavik, who looked as if she wanted to crawl beneath the sofa and hide. Kirk spoke to her gently, urging her to tell the priestess what had happened, but Saavik just sat there with her face flushed like an olive, emanating waves of embarrassment and shame like sweat, so strong that T’Lar could sense them even with her shields up.  “Be at ease, child,” the old woman said, soothing her the same way she had soothed Kirk upon sensing his unhappiness.  “I am not here to judge thee.  I only wish to know how thee came to be with child.”  

“I-I cannot speak of it with ease, Reverend Lady,” Saavik told her, tears coming to her eyes despite her struggle to remain calm and in control. “It was hard enough for me to tell the admiral that I-that I was forced to accept the surrogacy for him when his reborn bondmate—when his regenerated body had matured to the point where he experienced _pon farr_.”

“Thee says that thee were forced, child?” T’Lar asked with some concern. “Did Spock then force himself upon thee?”

“No, Reverend Lady, I was not physically compelled. Rather, I-I felt obliged to offer my services, since he was in need and his bondmate was absent.” 

“Rightfully so,” said T’Lar, nodding her aged head. “There is no shame in this, child.  To serve one who is burning with the blood fever is the most honorable thing one can do.  All of our clergy are trained to do so as a sacred duty.  For a layperson to do so is the ultimate act of compassion one Vulcan can do for another, because it saves a life.”    

“Yes, but—” Saavik closed her eyes in embarrassment and breathed deeply for a few moments to regain her composure. The others all waited patiently for her to compose herself.  Finally she opened her eyes and focused on the elderly priestess.  “Before I lay with Spock, I laid with David Marcus, whom I loved.” 

Sensing her unhappiness, T’Lar asked gently, “Was this man thy _t’hy’la_ , child?  Of the second degree?”   

“Yes; had he lived, I believe we would have been married.” Tears came running out of Saavik’s eyes despite her efforts to control her emotions. 

“I grieve with thee that this was so, and that the death of thy _t’hy’la_ has deprived thee of a bondmate, and a father for thy child.”  T’Lar turned her brilliant eyes upon Sarek.  “Is there no way to know for sure which of these two men fathered the child Saavik is bearing?” 

“According to the physician who examined her, it will take eight more weeks before he is able to perform a DNA scan upon the unborn child that will determine her paternity,” Sarek explained.  “But in the meantime, we are still faced with the dilemma of whether or not to inform Spock of the possibility of his impending fatherhood.”

“Yes, should we tell him now?” asked Amanda anxiously. “Or wait until more of his memory has been restored?”

T’Lar stared into her glass of iced tea thoughtfully for a few moments. Finally she said, “Allow me to ponder this question in silence for a while, I pray thee.”  With that, she withdrew into herself, closing her eyes as she considered the question.  Sarek and his family all waited in respectful silence for the reverend lady to gather her thoughts.  

Kirk remembered Spock from the day he first met him on the ENTERPRISE to their last mission together, the photos in their apartment back on Earth and the happy days when they had been taken, before their promotions and the constant call of duty had separated them so often, and wondered if they would ever be so happy together again.

Saavik remembered Spock as her kindly mentor and father figure, teaching her basic hygiene, manners and the Vulcan language, introducing her to a whole new world of knowledge which had only increased her hunger for education, leading to her graduation with honors from Starfleet Academy, a proud day for them both. Would he still be so proud of her, when he learned how she had gotten pregnant?  

Amanda remembered Spock as a newborn baby in her arms, the first viable Vulcan-human hybrid ever born; her heart ached for him all over again as he grew up and experienced prejudice and rejection for his mixed heritage, finding acceptance nowhere but in Starfleet, where he could put his brilliant mind to good use for the benefit of all the humanoid races. Even if he hadn’t been so brilliant, she still would have loved him, unquestionably and unconditionally, as only a mother can love.  She had loved him enough to accept his decision to enlist in Starfleet, despite the long estrangement it had caused between him and his father; she had even loved him enough to accept his choice of a male bondmate, after seeing how devoted he and Jim were to each other, even before they were formally bonded.

Sarek, too, remembered holding his newborn son in his arms and saying, “He is so—human.” All he had meant was that the child was so vulnerable and open-minded, just like his mother, but Amanda had been hurt by his comment, thinking that he rejected their son.  He had never imagined Spock growing up and growing apart from him, joining Starfleet against his father’s wishes, maintaining a stubborn silence through the years until the journey to Babel aboard the ENTERPRISE had finally reunited them.  Even then, he’d sensed the growing bond between his son and the ship’s captain, the transition from _t’hy’la_ of the first degree to _t’hy’la_ of the second degree. Not until the end of their first five-year mission together had they formalized their bond, much to Sarek’s relief, as his anxiety over his son’s unbonded status had been a source of great concern to him since Spock’s aborted wedding to T’Pring.     

At last T’Lar opened her eyes and spoke. “Hear me, Lord Sarek and family,” she declared, taking in everyone in the room with her unyielding stare.  “I hath pondered the question of Spock being informed about the possibility of his impending fatherhood.  In my opinion, it would not be in his best interests to keep this information from him, lest it should cause psychological damage to his healing mind.  It would be best if he were to be informed of this matter as soon as possible, so that he may assimilate this new information along with the old memories that are now resurfacing.  Ultimately, it must be his decision what to do about the child.  He need not marry the mother in order to acknowledge it, but if he believes that he is obliged to do so, then thee, Admiral Kirk,” she looked straight at him without pity, as became a priestess of T’Vet, “must be ready to accept the possibility that he will wish to dissolve his bond with thee, in order to form a new bond with Saavik.” 

Kirk did not look happy at the prospect of losing his bondmate, but he was able to answer steadily. “Yes, Reverend Lady, if Spock believes that he must dissolve our bond in order to legitimize Saavik’s child, I will accept this.  As long as it is his decision, not one that is forced upon him by others.”  

“No one shall compel him, James,” T’Lar assured him. “If he decides to leave thee, I am sure it will be with great reluctance.  But this is a matter of honor, and honor sometimes makes harsh demands on us.”

“Yes, I know.” Kirk bowed his head, remembering some of the harder decisions he had to make, in the name of honor; allowing Edith Keeler to die so the future would remain unchanged, unmasking Anton Karidian as Kodos the Executioner even when it was plain that he was no longer a threat, destroying the false god Vaal so that the childlike natives of Gamma Trianguli VI who worshipped him would be free to live normal lives.  The decision to become Spock’s bondmate had been easy by comparison, even without the imperative of it being a matter of life or death for Spock.  If Spock now chose to dissolve that bond so that he could make an honest woman of Saavik, then he had no choice but to step aside. _*After all, the needs of the baby outweigh the needs of the two,*_ Kirk thought, sadly paraphrasing what Spock had told him on the ENTERPRISE when Kirk had assumed command, before their date with destiny had led to Spock’s death.     

“Thee are a man of honor, James Kirk,” T’Lar praised him. “I hope that Spock’s decision will be in thy favor.”  She put her now empty glass aside and rose from her seat, prompting Sarek and his family to rise as well.  “I shall arrange for all of thee to see Spock at midday tomorrow.  It is best that ye should break the news to him as a family, as gently as possible.” 

“We thank thee, T’Lar, for thy time,” Sarek said graciously. “I shall escort thee to thy entourage outside.  My wife, attend the reverend lady with me.  James, Saavik, you will accompany us.”  

The whole family accompanied Sarek as he escorted the elderly priestess to the front door, where her attendants awaited her with her sedan chair. When Sarek had handed her into it, the four brawny attendants hoisted it onto their shoulders and carried her back to the sanctuary, preceded by two torchbearers, as it was now full dark.  Sarek and his family watched them until they disappeared into the darkness.  Sarek then turned to Kirk.  “Will you stay with us tonight, James?  So that we may all make the trip to the sanctuary together in the morning.”

“No, thank you, Sarek. I’d rather return to the sanctuary tonight,” said Kirk; he was so depressed by the prospect of losing his bondmate, he felt that walking home in the dark would suit his mood completely.   

“But Jim, it’s so dark out!” Amanda protested. “You would be a lot safer spending the night here with us than trying to find your way back in the dark.  I’m sure your crew will understand.”        

“Well...” Kirk looked uncertain for a moment; he wasn’t sure he could stand spending the night under the same roof with Saavik, who was liable to end up married to the man they both loved in different ways.   Then, seeing how anxious Amanda and Saavik both looked on his behalf, he relented.  “Okay, I guess they can spare me for one night.  Just let me call Bones and let him know where I’ll be.”  He whipped out his communicator.  “Kirk to McCoy.” 

“McCoy here.” The doctor’s voice came clearly over the miniature speaker. 

“Bones, I’m going to be spending the night with my in-laws. We’ll all be going to the shrine in the morning to visit Spock.  T’Lar thinks we should break the news to him as a family.” 

“I won’t argue with that. See you tomorrow, Jim.  Give my regards to Sarek and Amanda, and tell Saavik not to stay up too late.  McCoy out.” 

Kirk smiled affectionately as he put away the communicator. “The good doctor sends his regards to you two, and his orders to Saavik not to stay up too late.” 

“How like the doctor to be so solicitous,” Saavik grumbled. “I am not even showing yet and already he insists upon pampering me!” 

“You heard him, young lady!” Amanda told her firmly. “Get inside and get ready for bed.”  She insisted upon escorting Saavik there herself, despite protests from the younger woman.  Kirk and Sarek once again found themselves following dutifully behind, while the lady of the house took charge of the next generation.


	6. Chapter 6

Spock sat on the terrace in his white linen robe, idly strumming the strings of the Vulcan harp in his lap. The morning sun was already quite hot, even though it was only ten o’clock.  T’Lar had informed him shortly after he woke up this morning that he was to receive a visit from his family at midday, so he was preparing himself mentally.  The sight of these familiar strangers still filled him with anxiety from time to time.  His human mother’s frequent emotional outbursts, and the tears that sometimes accompanied them, were painful to watch.  His Vulcan father’s stoicism, even in the presence of his wife’s tears, was annoying.  Sometimes Spock found himself becoming quite angry with him.  He knew that this was illogical; why should he expect his father to become as upset by his mother’s tears as he was?

The only thing more painful than seeing his mother’s grief was seeing the expression on the face of the tawny-haired human male called Jim. He knew that they were close friends, _t’hy’la_ in fact, which explained why Jim was so concerned with his recovery.  Why, then, did he get this look of sadness on his face whenever Spock could not remember an event of which he spoke?    

Thinking of such things caused him to feel uncomfortable. He soothed himself by playing a familiar melody on the harp.  While picking out the notes, he remembered the first time he had played it successfully, by a sunny window under the approving eyes of his tutor, as a child of six on Vulcan.  Then he remembered the last time he had played it, under a full moon by a campfire on Earth, under the eyes of his human friend, Jim.  Yes, he remembered sitting by the fire playing this tune on a harp, after being forced to listen and sing along with all the old Terran songs Jim and McCoy enjoyed.  McCoy—had he been there too?  Yes; Spock’s fragmented memory showed him McCoy lying nearby in his sleeping bag, sleeping so soundly he was emitting loud snoring noises.  He had fallen asleep after a generous helping of bourbon, the secret ingredient he had put into the baked beans they had for dinner.  But Jim had stayed awake to keep him company.  Strange; there was something about the way Jim looked at him...the way he smiled whenever he caught Spock’s eye...the way he seemed to move closer and closer to Spock with each verse of the song...Spock’s fingers became still on the strings as the memory of Jim sitting right beside him filled him with a warmth greater than that of the campfire.  He remembered ceasing to play the harp and looking at Jim, remembered Jim reaching out to take the harp from him—or was it to take him into his arms?  

Before he could pursue the memory any further, he heard voices down the hallway and footsteps approaching. The memory faded away before the reality of his visitors approaching his room in the sanctuary.  Laying the harp aside, he rose and came in from the terrace to greet them.

T’Lar preceded the visitors into the room and came right up to him. “Greetings, son of Sarek,” she said, her air of authority making her diminutive stature barely noticeable, despite the fact that Spock was considerably taller than she. “I have brought thy honored parents to visit thee, along with thy _t’hy’la_ and thy protégé.”  Spock then noticed Jim and Saavik following close behind his parents.  “They have important news to share with thee.  I will therefore withdraw to a discreet distance.  Do not hesitate to inform me if thee should become fatigued or experience distress.” 

Spock knew that “experiencing distress” was a Vulcan euphemism for becoming upset. Inwardly, his human side was both amused and annoyed; why would it be harmful for him to feel an emotional reaction to whatever news his family had brought?  “I thank thee for permitting me these visitors, Reverend Lady,” Spock responded politely.  T’Lar bowed her head in courteous acknowledgement and withdrew to a chair in the corner of the room.  

Spock greeted his visitors and invited them to sit as well. Sarek saw that his wife was seated first, while Kirk motioned Saavik to a chair.  The young woman seemed reluctant to sit down at first, but did so when the admiral became insistent.  Spock noticed that she was not wearing the scarlet Starfleet uniform, but a loose-fitting Vulcan robe of black spidersilk with a pattern of small, red flowers.  Her dark auburn hair was loose and her complexion seemed paler than usual.  As soon as she sat down, she folded her hands over her belly and sat quietly, as if in expectation.  Admiral Kirk sat down beside her, with a determined expression on his face and a troubled look in his eyes.  Seeing that look in his eyes made Spock long to comfort him.

“My son,” Sarek greeted him serenely, as always, “your mother and I have news for you concerning James, your _t’hy’la,_ and Saavik, your protégé.” 

“Indeed, Father?” Spock sat beside his father in the woven basket chair, next to the window leading out to the terrace.  “Judging from your mien, I have the impression that it is news of great importance.”

“Indeed it is, Spock. Do you remember what occurred on the Genesis Planet before James rescued you?” 

Spock fell silent as he searched his memories. He remembered walking through a bright, green, peaceful world of great beauty—at least it had started that way.  But it had gradually become wilder and more savage, the grassy ground beneath his bare feet becoming sandy, then stony, finally shaking with tremors as heat burst out of the fissures that kept appearing around him, burning his feet and legs.  Even retreating into the cooler climate zone hadn’t saved him from suffering; the cold had bitten into him like a knife, burning his bare flesh and making him weep, until someone had thrown a garment around him and picked him up, holding him comfortingly against his—no, _her_ warm body.  Why had he remembered it as a male instead of a female body?  A deep frown knitted his brows as he strove to remember more. 

“Spock, do you remember the cave that Saavik and David took you to when they found you?” his father asked.

“Cave?” Spock stared at him blankly for a moment.  Then he remembered.  “Oh, yes, the cave.  I remember being taken in there, when it became too cold outside.  It was cold outside, but I felt hot inside.  Hot—feverish.  I was in pain.  I could barely see.  Someone led me to a corner and urged me to lie down...”  Spock’s expression became strained as he sought to remember what had happened during this period of great physical torment.  “I lay down, but I could not rest.  My body ached and burned.  I felt as if I was burning inside and nothing could cool me.  Even when they gave me water, I could not drink.  Someone held their cupped hands filled with water before my face, urged me to drink...”  

“That was I, Spock,” Saavik told him. “I found an underground stream running across the floor at the rear of the cave.  It was the merest trickle, but it was enough for all of us to drink from.  All of us, except you.  You would not drink, even when I held my cupped hands filled with water before your face.  David and I both urged you to drink, but you were too delirious with fever to understand.”  

“Yes, I remember...” Spock’s voice was a hoarse whisper as he sat with his head down, his eyes shut tight as he strove to remember more.  “I was in pain and on fire.  My whole body was aching and aflame—my eyes were flame, my heart was flame, my blood was burning.  I wanted—I needed someone to stop the pain.  But I could not remember who it was.” 

Kirk was looking at him, his eyes as wide as a child’s, his expressive face a mask of sorrow. “Spock,” he said softly, “do you remember the last time you felt this way?  The last time you burned and ached with need?  I was there, Spock.  I was there for you when you needed me.”

Spock opened his eyes and looked at him with great puzzlement. “Were you, Jim?  Were you indeed with me the last time I was burning and in pain?  Why, then, do I not remember?” 

“Spock, I was with you for the last three cycles of your time. At thirty-five, when we first bonded, then at forty-two, then at forty-nine.  I was at your side for the last twenty-one years, whenever you needed me.”  Kirk’s own need was visible on his face as he pleaded with his bondmate to remember.  “I would have been with you for this cycle as well, if it hadn’t been for Khan.” 

“Khan? Who is Khan?”

“Khan Noonien Singh, that tyrant from the 21st Century, who I made the mistake of releasing from stasis when we found him and the rest of his supermen adrift on the “BOUNTY”. That was on our first mission together.  Surely you remember Khan?”

“Khan...” Spock stared into the distance as a face from the past appeared before him; a proud, arrogant human male with a princely mien, as well as black hair, dusky skin, and piercing black eyes, a genetically enhanced superman who had ruled most of Asia during the chaotic period on Earth known as the Eugenics Wars.  Spock felt a sharp pain in his soul at the memory of seeing Jim—his Jim, helpless, fighting for air from where Khan had placed him in the ship’s hyperbaric chamber, in need of rescue and Spock unable to come to his aid...

“Jim! Khan tried to kill you on the ENTERPRISE!”  The memory came flooding back as he stared at Jim’s face.  “He would have succeeded, if Lieutenant McGivers had not defied him and helped you to escape.”

“Yes, Spock, that’s it!” said Kirk, now smiling joyfully as he nodded. “Do you remember what happened when we saw Khan again?” 

“Again?” Spock stared at him in puzzlement.  “But we exiled him and all his people on an uninhabited planet, Ceti Alpha V, along with Lieutenant McGivers.” 

“Yes, we did. But he escaped from Ceti Alpha V when the U.S.S. RELIANT, Captain Terrell’s ship, was sent there to look for signs of life.  They needed a lifeless planet for the final step of the Genesis Project.  But they found Khan and his surviving people instead.  Khan hijacked the RELIANT, took Terrell and Chekov hostage, then confronted us at the Regula I space laboratory. Do you remember what happened then?”

Spock blinked, and then looked inward again, trying to remember. A series of jumbled images ran through his mind; an aged, white-haired Khan on the ENTERPRISE’s viewing screen, a fierce space battle which the ENTERPRISE won by the narrowest margin, himself overseeing the repairs to the ship’s engine room while Kirk beamed down with the Away Team to Regula I, being pursued through the Mutara Nebula by the RELIANT, the final battle resulting in the near destruction of the RELIANT, Khan’s refusal to surrender and his subsequent detonation of the Genesis Device.  Spock’s memory became fractured here.  He closed his eyes as he tried to remember; where was he while they were trying to evacuate the area before the device went off?  The ENTERPRISE’s warp drive was down, forcing them to limp away on impulse.  The warp drive had to be repaired manually, but Mr. Scott was juggling several other urgent repair jobs as well, and time was running out. 

“I was sitting on the bridge,” Spock murmured, thinking aloud with his eyes closed.  “I was at my station, listening to Mr. Scott saying there was no time to repair the warp drive.  You were ordering him to do so, but he kept saying that there was no time and it was too dangerous to do it manually.  I remember thinking, ‘Someone must do something’.  And then I thought—” Spock swayed in his seat as the memory started to come back to him.  “I thought, ‘ _I_ must do something’.”

“You did do something, Spock,” Kirk told him earnestly. “You saved the ship.  Do you remember how?”        

Spock continued to sit there with his eyes closed, trying to remember his final moments aboard the ENTERPRISE. He had an impression of bright light and great heat in a small, enclosed space, wearing thick, padded gloves as he fought to manipulate a stubborn piece of machinery, getting a blast of radiated heat in the face as he worked, barely hearing the voices of his friends outside the transparent lead window, frantically telling him to get out of there.  He remembered feeling a brief moment of triumph as the mechanism finally responded to his maneuverings, falling easily into place, before he lost consciousness.  He remembered coming to, hearing the sound of Jim’s voice calling to him.  He remembered opening his eyes, seeing that everything before him was blurred, following the sound of Jim’s voice till he had located him behind the window. 

“I remember being in the radiation chamber,” Spock said softly. “It was bright and hot; I could feel my hands burning through the protective gloves while I worked. I fixed the warp drive, then I passed out.  When I came to, I heard your voice, Jim.  I opened my eyes, but I could not see you clearly.  So I followed the sound of your voice.  I could just barely see you, through the window.  I made my way over to you.  We spoke briefly, before I...before I lost consciousness again.”

“Yes, Spock, we spoke together one last time in the engine room.” Tears were running down Kirk’s face at the memory.  “Do you remember what we said?”  

“I said—‘Do not grieve, Jim.’ I was trying to console you.  You were weeping.”  Spock looked puzzled again as he tried to remember why his friend had been weeping.  “I told you that the needs of the many...the needs of the many...”  Spock opened his eyes and stared at the tear-stained face of his _t’hy’la_ , looking exactly the way he had looked outside the window of the radiation chamber on that fateful day.  “I said that the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few, or the one.”

“Yes, Spock,” Kirk said hoarsely as he nodded. “Yes, that was just what you said.”  He bowed his head and wept.  Saavik temporarily forgot her own troubles as she tried to comfort him.  Amanda was also crying, which distressed her husband a great deal.  As he was comforting her, T’Lar rose from her seat.

“Lady Amanda, Admiral Kirk, I must insist that thee control thyselves,” the old priestess told them sternly.

“They are not Vulcan, T’Lar!” Sarek told her with equal sternness. “They are entitled to show their emotions, considering the circumstances.” 

“Yes, the cause is sufficient,” Saavik chimed in, a rough edge to her voice. She was having trouble hiding her own tears at the memory of Spock’s death.  It had been bad enough hearing of his death secondhand after the battle with Khan, but hearing it described by Spock himself was like a knife in the heart.  How much worse must it be for Admiral Kirk, who was there, and now being forced to relive it?  She produced a clean handkerchief from the depths of one of her voluminous sleeves and offered it to him.  He accepted it thankfully, holding the white linen square before his streaming eyes until the flow of tears had stopped.

Amanda’s tears were being dried by her Vulcan husband, who made sure he always had an adequate supply of handkerchiefs on hand nowadays. He sent comforting thoughts to her across their bond, reassuring her that Spock was in no pain now and had regained enough of his emotional control not to be distressed by this memory.  Eventually she got herself under control and wiped her eyes delicately, regretting the stains her so-called waterproof mascara was leaving on her husband’s nice, clean hankie.  Sarek assured her lovingly that this was of no consequence. 

T’Lar sat in dignified silence, waiting for the human members of the family to get themselves under control. When they had finally done so, she spoke in a brisk, no-nonsense fashion to remind them of the seriousness of the situation.  “Now that we have succeeded in helping Spock recollect the circumstances of his death, perhaps we should move on to the circumstances following his resurrection.”

“Yes, you are correct, T’Lar,” Sarek said humbly, still holding his wife in the crook of his right arm. “Let us do what we have come here to do.  Spock, my son, do you recollect anything else that happened on the Genesis planet, before you were rescued?”

“No, Father,” Spock admitted. “Up to the point where we entered the cave, everything is jumbled in my mind, like the images in a fever dream.” 

“It _was_ a fever dream, my son.  You were experiencing _plak tow_ , the blood fever.  Your bondmate was not with you, and Saavik was the only one present who knew what you were going through, and the danger of death you were in.  So she remained with you and helped you through this difficult and dangerous period, until the fever was abated.”  

Spock stared at him uncomprehendingly. “But the _plak tow_ can only be relieved by violent physical exertion, via combat or coitus.”  An alarmed expression came over his face; he turned to look at Saavik.  “Saavik- _kam_!  Did I injure you while I was not myself?”  

“No, Spock, I was not injured,” she told him softly. Looking him bravely in the eye, she added, “I was impregnated.”

Spock’s expression was filled with shock and dismay, which rapidly gave way to guilt, then sorrow, and finally acceptance. After bowing his head briefly, like a patient beast of burden getting ready to bear a great weight upon its back, he sat up, put his shoulders back and assumed the burden bravely.  “Are you then with child by me, Saavik?”  

“I am with child,” Saavik admitted. “Whether it is yours or David’s, I do not know.”  She explained about her brief relationship with David Marcus, then about the encounter in the cave on the Genesis planet.

Spock heard her out patiently, but all the visitors could see by the resigned look on his face that he had already accepted the possibility that he was responsible for Saavik’s condition. When she was finished, he said, “Since David is dead, only one of us is now able to assume the responsibilities of fatherhood; logic dictates that it should be me.  Therefore, I shall marry Saavik, to preserve her honor and that of my clan.”  He avoided looking at Jim Kirk, the _t’hy’la_ who had given himself so unselfishly during Spock’s last three times.  A friend so close deserved more consideration, but his sense of honor demanded that he do right by Saavik.

Kirk bowed his own head to hide his expression, grief-stricken by Spock’s choice. Saavik’s heart bled for him, knowing that her child’s future had been secured at the cost of his happiness.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Spock?” his mother asked, glancing worriedly at her human son-in-law as he quietly grieved. “You know you don’t need to marry her in order to recognize the child as your own.  Your father and I will be glad to foster the child, if you would prefer to resume your life in Starfleet with Jim and your friends.” 

“Yes, we would be willing to care for the child and provide it with a good home life,” Sarek told him. “Saavik may wish to remain in Starfleet as well.  What more logical solution than to leave the child in our care?”  

“No, Father and Mother, you have already raised your own child. It would not be fair to ask you to raise mine as well,” Spock told them determinedly.  “I shall assume this responsibility on my own.  As soon as I have completed my convalescence here, I shall resign my commission in Starfleet and take Saavik as my bondmate.  All I ask of you two is that you provide a set of rooms in our family home for us to live in, and arrange a small, private ceremony there that my friends may attend.  You will be there, won’t you, Jim?”  He looked hopefully at Jim, pleading with his eyes for him to understand and accept his decision. 

“Of course, Spock,” Jim assured him, smiling through the pain as his heart ripped itself in two. “I’ll be there for you, like I’ve always been.  So will everybody else in the crew.” 

“Now that we have settled this matter,” said T’Lar determinedly, “I believe it is time we left. My patient needs his rest.”  She gave Sarek and the others no time to protest, but shooed them out quickly.  They all left, sadly and uncomfortably, leaving Spock to his privacy to give him enough time to process all that had just happened.

****************

A month passed, during which Spock seemed to go through his days at the sanctuary as serenely as any of the clergy or pilgrim-patients there for healing. Only a human observer would have noticed how sadly and silently he spent his days, speaking only when spoken to, eating very little, burying himself in the study of Vulcan history and philosophy, spending many hours in meditation on his terrace, staring out at the desert surrounding the ancient temple by day, or at the stars that twinkled in the skies over the building at night.  

One human observer in particular kept coming faithfully to the healer’s portion of the temple; Admiral James T. Kirk, frequently accompanied by  Doctor Leonard McCoy, who sought to understand the changes in himself as well as in his longtime friend Spock.  While McCoy consulted with the Vulcan healers, Kirk sat with Spock, talking to him about their life on the ENTERPRISE and their mutual friends.  Kirk seemed to be as melancholy as Spock nowadays; he just smiled more and chatted about nothing, which is the human way of passing time when one doesn’t know what else to do.  Whenever McCoy was with them, Spock couldn’t help noticing how sad they both seemed to be, in different ways.  It was obvious to him that something was troubling them both.

 _*If only they could talk about the problem, instead of everything else!*_ McCoy thought irritably one day, as he sat on the terrace listening to Kirk nattering on and on about their first visit to the Shore Leave Planet and all the wonders they had found there. _*Damn it, Jim, stop pussyfooting around and tell Spock how you feel about his decision! Otherwise he’s going to end up marrying Saavik because he thinks it’s the right thing to do!  And just how is he going to marry her without divorcing Jim first?  Vulcan law doesn’t allow divorce without the consent of both partners; how can he divorce his first partner if Jim refuses to give his consent?*_ He longed to intervene, but was loathe to interfere with his friends’ relationship.  He also had no idea what the stress of forcing to choose between Jim and Saavik would do to Spock’s still fragile mind.  The healers kept telling him how important it was not to upset the patient, lest emotion disrupt the mental healing process.  But McCoy, who considered a healthy display of emotion to be part of the healing process, disagreed with them.  _*They’re thinking like Vulcans; for them, any emotion is dangerous because it leads away from the path of logic. But Spock is half human, damn it!  He’s entitled to feel emotion and act on it if he wants to.   Why should_ _he be reprogrammed into the perfect Vulcan, stoic, unemotional, and uncaring?_

Spock was wondering about this himself as he gazed serenely on his _t’hy’la_ while Jim sat chatting to him about inconsequential things.  He knew that he should be concentrating on Vulcan history and philosophy, so that his mind could align itself in patterns of logic.  But somehow, the sight of Jim always made him want to forget logic and just sit with him for hours, talking about everything or nothing, or just listening to the sound of Jim’s voice, studying the play of emotions across his expressive face as he reminisced, watching the color of his eyes go from golden-brown to green in the sunlight…

 _*What is this nonsense I am thinking? What has the color of Jim’s eyes got to do with logic?*_ Spock stirred restlessly on his meditation mat, where he sat cross-legged in his white linen robes. _*And why am I taking pleasure in his company instead of trying to cast out pleasure and every other emotion as unworthy of a Vulcan? For that matter, why should emotion be unworthy of a Vulcan?  Especially me, who am only half Vulcan.*_ He looked at Jim again and wondered why someone so emotional should welcome the friendship of someone as unemotional as a Vulcan. 

McCoy was wondering the same thing as he sat looking at his two friends looking at each other. McCoy couldn’t stand it anymore.  He got up out of the oversized blue cushion his butt had worn a comfortable hole into.  “If you boys will excuse me,” he drawled, “I gotta go inside out of this hot sun for a bit.  Think I’ll have a cold drink too.  Want one, Jim?”

“No thanks, Bones, I’m fine.” _*As fine as can be expected,*_ Kirk thought sadly, _*when I’m trying to make small talk with my bondmate, both of us ignoring the fact that he’s about to leave me for someone else. Damn it, Spock, why can’t we talk about this?  Why do you keep avoiding the subject, as if someone died?*_

“Can I get you a drink, Spock?” McCoy asked.

“No, thank you, Doctor. I am fine,” Spock replied, unconsciously mimicking his bondmate’s reply. 

“Okay, then. I’ll be inside if ya’ll need me.”  With that, Leonard McCoy went back inside, leaving Spock and Kirk on the terrace together.

They sat silently for a while, looking awkwardly at each other, then out at the desert landscape, then back at each other again. “Spock,” Kirk finally said, “we need to talk.”

“About what, Jim?”

“About us. You do remember how close we are—or were?”

“I remember that we were _t’hy’la_ , Jim,” Spock assured him.  “You need not fear I have forgotten you.”

“Spock, how can you remember how close we were without remembering how— _close_ we were?”  Kirk swallowed the lump in his throat that always seemed to be there nowadays.   “If you remembered how close we really were, you wouldn’t be in such a hurry to marry Saavik.”

“I am in no hurry to marry anyone, Jim. The healers have told me that my mind is still recovering from the trauma it underwent when it became separated from my _katra_.  So I am not legally capable of making any decisions as yet.”   Spock paused briefly before continuing.  “But I am determined to do the right thing, for the sake of my honor and my family’s.” 

Hearing this filled Jim Kirk with determination. He moved his yellow cushion closer to Spock’s meditation mat.  “I want to help you do the right thing too, Spock.  So will you please—” He hesitated, finally blurting out, “Will you please meld with me?”

“Meld with you?” Spock raised an eyebrow as he looked on his friend with some concern.  “I am not sure that is wise, Jim.  My mind is still healing, my memories still incomplete.  It could be traumatic for us both for our minds to meld.”

“Or it could be helpful in recovering your memories. Just for a few minutes, Spock, please!”

Seeing how sad his friend looked helped Spock to decide. “Very well, Jim.  Come sit with me.” 

Kirk moved eagerly from the cushion to the mat, where he sat in front of Spock cross-legged. He had already removed his boots earlier, as well as his scarlet jacket, so he was reasonably comfortable. He sat up straight, his golden-brown head held high, hazel eyes wide.  Spock thought he looked beautiful, despite the many gray hairs he could see scattered throughout Jim’s head and the fine lines on his face that were revealed by the unforgiving Vulcan sun.  Slowly he put his hands up and rested them on either side of Jim’s face.  “My mind to your mind,” he said softly, looking into the hazel eyes that looked so painfully young and scared despite his years, “my thoughts to your thoughts...”   His own dark eyes closed as he entered gently into the red darkness of the human’s mind.

It was a warm, red darkness, filled with welcome. Spock allowed himself to float in it, like a red river, before opening his mind to Jim’s thoughts.  He saw images of them together, looking extremely youthful, as the new captain of the ENTERPRISE and his first officer played 3D chess together, worked out in the ship’s gym together, beamed down to planets together in the company of others, met with alien races friendly and hostile and dealt with them accordingly.  The youthful images gradually aged as the two of them went through life together, doing things as friends—or as a couple?  Why were so many of Jim’s memories of the two of them alone together?  Why were they walking side by side on this beach in the bright sun, or running on this jogging path beneath the trees, or standing at this window in the moonlight?  Why were they touching each other so often?  And why was Jim always smiling? 

 _*Because I love being with you,*_ came the silent reply as the image of them standing together at the window of their apartment in San Francisco at night filled his mind. _*Because I love you and the life we had together. Don’t you remember it, Spock?*_

__*We had a life together?*_ Spock’s puzzled response caused a feeling of distress in Jim. _

_*Yes, Spock! We had a life together, for twenty-one years!   You defied Vulcan tradition when you joined Starfleet against your father’s wishes, and when you bonded with me!  How could you give all that up?  For a woman you don’t even remember lying with!_  Sorrow filled the bond, bringing tears to the human’s eyes that the Vulcan could feel running down his own face as well.  _*You said I was your soul mate, and that our bond would last for our whole life, even beyond death! You’ve passed through death’s door and back, but you left our love behind.  How could you, Spock? How could you leave me behind with the rest of your memories so easily?*_

 _*Jim...*_ Spock found himself remembering more and more, remembered holding hands with Jim on the beach, walking with his arm around him at the end of their run, standing at the window with their arms around each other on a chilly night. _*Jim, how could I forget thee, t'hy’la?*_ Warmth filled him at the memory of Jim’s touch. It became warmer and warmer as he started remembering other, more intimate touches.  When the images of him and Jim at the window pulled each other close and touched lips, it became a bright, hot flame of desire that lit up the darkness in their joined minds.  The red darkness became mixed with green, shot through with bright sparks of yellow like stars in the eternal night of space. 

When McCoy came sauntering back to the terrace with a drink in his hand, he stopped right outside and gawked at what he saw through the heat-insulated glass door.  His two friends were now sitting cross-legged on the same mat, facing each other, with Spock’s hands at Jim’s temples in the melding position.  Both had their eyes closed, but tears were running down Jim’s face.  Spock suddenly broke the meld by putting his arms around Jim’s shoulders and pulling him close.  Jim was now crouching on the mat with his head on Spock’s breast and his arms wrapped around his waist.  McCoy could see his shoulders shaking as he wept, as well as Spock’s anguished expression.  Without a word, Leonard McCoy turned around and left his friends to themselves.  They obviously had a lot of talking to do. 

Spock spoke first. “Jim, Jim, please forgive me,” he said, softly and sadly.  “I knew we were  _t'_ _hy’la,_ but I thought it was only of the first degree.  Only after melding with you did I remember we were _t'hy’la_ of the second degree; bondmates—soulmates.”  He held him tightly as his newly restored memories came rushing back again, making him long for the man in his arms the way he knew he could never long for a woman. 

Like a newborn baby, Jim Kirk wept for a long time before he could speak. When he could do so without choking up, he spoke hoarsely, because his throat hurt.  “Spock, do you really want to leave me?”

“I do not wish to leave you, _t’hy’la_ , but I have no choice,” Spock admitted hopelessly.  “Saavik is with child.  I cannot leave her to bear this burden of responsibility alone, as well as the burden of shame she will carry as an unwed mother.”

“It may not even be your child! It could be David’s,” Kirk reminded him. 

“We do not know that for sure, Jim. Until we do, we must give Saavik the benefit of the doubt.  She was kind enough to help me when my need was upon me in this new body.  I cannot repay her kindness by abandoning her.”

“You won’t have to. Sarek said you could still claim the child as yours without having to marry her.” 

“Yes, I am familiar with the old custom, Jim,” Spock said soothingly as he stroked his bondmate’s graying hair. “But it would be demeaning for Saavik to be classified as a subordinate wife, little better than a concubine.  And it would be demeaning to you for me to take another mate while you are still living and we are still bonded.  Such a situation usually implies that the original bondmates are estranged, but do not wish to separate because of legal matters involving money, property or politics.  Can you imagine what will be said when it becomes known that I have taken a wife, despite my long-term bond with you?  At the very least, people will say it is because I have tired of you, but am too generous to divorce you.  At the worst, they will say that you are greedy to hang onto my family’s wealth and political power.”

“I’m not greedy, I’m needy! I need you, Spock!”  Kirk cried.  “I don’t care what they say about me!  Let them think I only married you for your money, or that I’m too pitiful for you to kick aside, like a whining puppy.  I can’t live without you, Spock!  My happiness depends on you, on my being close to you.”

“My happiness also depends upon your physical proximity,” Spock assured him tenderly. “But I have an obligation to Saavik, which necessitates putting my happiness aside, along with our bond.  Forgive me, Jim.  I love you like no other, you are the light to my darkness, but duty and honor demands that I resign my commission in Starfleet, dissolve our bond and create a new one with Saavik before the child is born.  I wish my child’s primary caretakers to be his or her natural parents as well, to provide a stable background and family life.  This is what I had while growing up.  It is only logical that any child of mine should have it as well.” 

Kirk dried his tears on the shoulder of Spock’s robe as he thought of what he said. Spock had always been a traditionalist at heart; that was why he had offered the man he loved a mating bond instead of settling for a friendship with benefits, which, in Vulcan terms, meant that your _t’hy’la_ would not only lay down his life for you, but lay his body down as well if your time came upon you when you had no wife available.   Naturally he would want to do the right thing by a woman who bore his child.  And why shouldn’t he?  Hadn’t he himself offered to marry Carol Marcus so their child could grow up with both natural parents?  Only Carol’s stubborn insistence that her child live a normal life, with a father who wasn’t gallivanting around the galaxy half the time, had made her refuse his offer.  She ended up marrying a fellow scientist as brilliant and earth-bound as she was, much to Kirk’s chagrin.  But it had been her choice.  He could never deny someone he loved anything that they really wanted.  And if this was what Spock really wanted… 

Kirk drew back far enough to look into Spock’s eyes. “Tell me, Spock,” he urged him, “is this your own decision?  Will it really make you happy leaving Starfleet, breaking up with me, marrying Saavik and spending the rest of your life on Vulcan with her, raising a child?”

Spock emitted a heavy sigh. “No, Jim.  None of this will make me happy.  But it must be done, in order to fulfill my obligation as a Vulcan husband and father.  Were we living back in Pre-Reform days my own family, as well as Saavik’s family, would be pressuring me to marry her before the child is born, to preserve the honor of both clans.   If you were female and had already borne me an heir, I would be able to retain our bond and take Saavik as a subordinate wife to you.  But you are male and have never given me an heir.” 

“What about my nephew Peter? He’s my flesh and blood!”

“Yes, he is of your blood, but not of your flesh. Technically, that would be enough to satisfy the letter of the law.  But there would still be a shadow of dishonor hovering over us, the perception that you wish to remain married to me because of my family’s wealth and influence, or that I am staying with you out of pity because you are incapable of surviving without a stronger mind to direct you.” 

“You mean they’ll think I’m too weak to get by on my own?” Kirk’s face flushed angrily. 

“I know how strong you are, Jim,” Spock assured him gently. “I know you will survive, with or without me.  That is why I must urge you to leave me and start a new life.  You may instigate the divorce, if you wish, to save face with your fellow humans.”  He was referring to the dissolution of the civil ceremony they had undergone at the end of their first five-year mission; their bonding would have to be dissolved by a Vulcan healer.  “Use Saavik’s pregnancy as grounds and you will have irrefutable proof of adultery.  You will receive a generous settlement, along with the sympathy of your colleagues in Starfleet.” 

“I don’t give a damn about their sympathy!” Kirk snarled. “Or for any amount of money I’ll get!  You couldn’t pay me enough to divorce you!  I love you and I won’t let you go!” 

“You must, Jim. An innocent child’s future is at stake.” 

That made Kirk choke up again. How could he deny a child the safety and security of a home with two parents?  Wasn’t that every child’s right?  Didn’t he have it too, even if his father had spent more time in space than at home?  But how could he give up his beloved Spock for the sake of a child who wasn’t even born yet?  Who might not even be Spock’s child, but his own grandchild?  He hugged Spock more closely than before as the pain of conflicting duties in his heart made him weep again.  Spock could only hold him and share his pain with him through their now restored bond, tears coming to his own eyes as his _t’hy’la_ wept. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Another month passed, during which Doctor McCoy regained his emotional equilibrium, along with his confidence to practice medicine. By now the hijacked Bird-of-Prey had been repaired to the point where it was nearly space-worthy, which was fortunate, because Starfleet Command, in the form of a certain admiral, was now sending them weekly reminders that Admiral Kirk’s presence, along with that of his crew, was urgently requested at Starfleet headquarters in San Francisco. The only thing stopping them from sending a ship to Vulcan to drag them back to Earth was the fact that Kirk was related by marriage to Ambassador Sarek, who was still giving them sanctuary.   McCoy knew that before they left for Earth, they had to settle things here on Vulcan, the most urgent one being the matter of Saavik’s pregnancy and who was the father of her child. 

So when the day came for Saavik’s second pregnancy test, McCoy rose bright and early and ate a hearty breakfast of cheese-filled bread rolls (he’d given up trying to get the temple cooks to stuff them with meat substitute, as the flavor was always off), fresh fruit and coffee, amusing himself by mildly insulting Scotty for losing so little weight on this Spartan diet. The sturdy Scotsman was too busy arguing with Sulu over the schematic they had drawn of the ship’s souped-up engine to take offense.  Chekov was preoccupied with the diagram he had drawn of the ship’s control panel, memorizing the location of all the relabeled buttons he’d have to push.  Uhura was going over a shopping list of the supplies they’d need, having decided that forcing humans to eat Klingon rations constituted a violation of the Geneva Convention.  The only person who wasn’t taking an active part in all the conversations going on at once around the breakfast table was Jim Kirk.  He sat there nursing a cup of coffee, occasionally nibbling at a bread roll, staring into space in a melancholy way.  Now and then he’d force himself to smile as he responded to some remark that was addressed directly to him; otherwise he was silent. 

Seeing how unusually morose he was, McCoy decided to wait until the others had left before confronting him. When Scotty, Sulu and Chekov had left for the ship and Uhura had left for town to buy nonperishable foods (which the Vulcans excelled at making, being experienced desert travelers), McCoy took his coffee cup over to Kirk’s side of the round table they had all been sitting at and sat down beside him. 

“What’s the problem, Jim? You don’t seem like your usual chipper self this morning.” 

Kirk sighed as he stared into his coffee cup. “I guess you know I’m not looking forward to going back to Earth.” 

“None of us is, but duty calls. We all have to face the music sometime.”

“I know, I know! But I don’t have to like it.”   Kirk took a long sip of his coffee to avoid looking at his friend.  When he looked up and saw McCoy was still staring at him, he got irritated enough to ask, “Okay, Bones, what’s really bothering you?” 

“That’s what I was going to ask you,” McCoy retorted. “Come on, Jim, spill it!  You know what I’m going to be doing today.” 

“Yes, I know you’re going to Shi’Khar General Hospital to give Saavik her follow-up test. Give her my best wishes.” 

“Why don’t you give them to her yourself?” McCoy asked as mildly as possible.

“Damn it, Bones!” Kirk slammed his coffee mug down on the table so hard that it almost broke.  “You know I can be a good loser, but I’m damned if I’m going to congratulate the woman who may be taking my place as Spock’s bondmate!”

“We don’t know that for sure, Jim. Remember, the first test gave us an indeterminate result.  It could still turn out to be David’s child she’s carrying.” 

Kirk sighed as he ran his fingers through his golden-brown hair, the gold streaks now more prominent than the gray after four months under the Vulcan sun.   “I wish I knew that for sure, Bones.  It would set my mind at ease to know that I don’t have to say good-bye to my bondmate to welcome this child into the world.” 

McCoy scratched his chin thoughtfully as he remarked, “You never know, Jim. Things have a way of turning out for the best, despite all the circumstances.”

Kirk stared at him perplexedly. “What exactly are you saying, Bones?”

“I’m saying don’t worry, I’m sure that everything will turn out to be all right. You just relax and let old Bones McCoy do that voodoo that I do so well.”  He patted Kirk on the shoulder as he smiled, a mischievous gleam in his blue eyes.  He finished his coffee and bread roll, rose from the table and stretched, his freshly laundered shirt emitting the smell of detergent and starch.  As he reached for his battered leather jacket, he told Kirk, “Why don’t you take a break from repairing that Klingon wreck and go visit Spock?  That way, you’ll both be together when I break the news to you.”

“News that may drive us even further apart than his former lack of memory,” Kirk muttered despondently.

“Or it may help to bring you together. For crissake’s Jim, think positive!”  Shrugging into his jacket, McCoy headed for the door to see if the chauffeured aircar Sarek had sent for him had arrived yet.  “I’ll send you word at the sanctuary as soon as I get the test results.  Now go be with your bondmate and quit worrying.” 

Kirk watched his old friend go, trying to think positive even as he dreaded what Saavik’s exam would reveal.

****************

When McCoy arrived at the hospital, he found not only Saavik, but Amanda and the high priestess T’Lar as well. Amanda was there to give Saavik moral support; T’Lar was more interested in learning the results of the test first hand.  Since she was a qualified healer, McCoy could not object to her presence.  But he did insist that she and Amanda wait outside while he performed the test, assuring them that he would inform them of the results the minute he knew them.

After changing into a green healer’s robe, he performed a brief physical exam on Saavik, during which he found her to be in good shape except for the circles under her eyes indicative of lack of sleep. He then laid the sonographic sensor over her abdomen and took another sample of blood from her uterus.  “Okay, Saavik, you lie back and relax now while I measure the DNA content of your baby’s blood.  The sonographic sensor is going to give us a more detailed picture of your baby at this stage, so we can see if she’s developing normally.  The DNA scan will tell us exactly who her father is.”

Saavik nodded, closed her eyes and waited silently, while the turtle shell-shaped device over her lower body took a picture of the now four-month-old fetus, and the human physician ran his tests on the vial of blood.

After what seemed like an eternity of suspense, the sonographic sensor beeped and its light turned from red to green, signaling that the photographic print was ready. Meanwhile, McCoy was standing in front of the computer which was analyzing the DNA content of the fetal blood sample, waiting for the printout to emerge.  As the paper emerged from the printer, his jaw was clenched as tight as his fists, while his stomach threatened to jettison his breakfast.  As soon as the paper was free of the printer, he picked it up and studied the results of the blood analysis.

McCoy let out a sigh, loud enough for Saavik to hear from across the room. She couldn’t tell if he was sighing from relief or resignation.  Her own stomach began to feel nauseous as she wondered what the results were.

Holding the printout in his hand, he walked across the room to the exam table where she lay. He removed the sonographic device so that Saavik could sit up and pressed the button to remove the print.  “Here you go, Saavik,” he said, showing her the print.  “See, there’s your baby, curled up all snug inside you.  Look, you can see her little pointed ears.”  His finger traced the unmistakable Vulcanoid ears on the tiny head.  He pointed out more physical characteristics, including the tiny cleft between the baby’s legs which proved she was female, much to her mother’s delight. 

“But what about the blood test, Doctor?” Saavik finally asked. 

McCoy handed her the printout silently. His face remained impassive while she studied it intently.  Finally she looked up at him and said gravely, “Thank you, Doctor McCoy.  At last I know who her father is.”  Her voice was tremulous, betraying the emotion she felt.

When the doctor called the two older women in and broke the news to them, Amanda responded by hugging Saavik, while T’Lar examined the sonographic print with professional interest. “She appears to be a healthy, well-developed child,” she commented. “Of course we must monitor Saavik very closely in the coming months, since mixed species pregnancies are so high risk.”

“I’ll leave that up to you, Ma’m, since I probably won’t be here when she comes to term,” McCoy told her. “Matter of fact, I don’t know whether I’m gonna be in a Federation Rehab Facility or a Starfleet Stockade five months from now.” 

T’Lar looked at him over the print with a gleam of amusement in her dark eyes. “Doctor McCoy, I doubt whether thee will ever see the inside of a penal institute.  Ones such as thee are much too resourceful to ever be confined by the dictates of society.” 

“Nice of you to say so, Ma’m,” McCoy said cheerfully. “My mama would have said that I’ll never end up in jail, ‘cause I was born to hang.”

A Mona Lisa smile hovered briefly over the priestess’ withered visage. “Just so.  Please give my regards to Admiral Kirk.  I am sure thee will find him with Spock, since he is such a faithful visitor.” 

“Certainly, Ma’m.”  McCoy turned away and walked over to the coat rack where his old leather jacket hung, shedding his green healer’s robe as he went, passing Amanda speaking eagerly with the young mother-to-be about her hopes for the coming child.  As soon as he had his jacket back on, he reached into his pocket, got out his communicator and called Kirk at the mountain sanctuary of T’Vet.

**************** 

Kirk and Spock sat on the terrace in Spock’s room, sharing the noon meal.  Each of them was eating a bowl of cold sesame noodles with spicy _pipali_ dressing, made from a little yellow Vulcan pepper hotter than Terran chili and jalapeno peppers combined.  Kirk’s dressing was milder than Spock’s, toned down for human tastes, but he still took frequent sips from his tall glass of iced starfruit tea in between bites.  The small, round flatbreads stacked on a plate in the middle of the table were just the right size for either dipping into the flavored oil in a small saucer beside the bread plate or wiping their plates of excess sauce when they were done eating.  Spock had already finished half of his noodles, but Kirk, who was usually fond of _pipali_ sauce, could only pick at his share.  

“What is wrong, Jim? Are you not hungry?” asked Spock, eyeing his nearly untouched noodles with some concern.

“No, not really,” Kirk confessed. “I don’t have much of an appetite today.  I’m still waiting to hear from Bones at the hospital.”

Spock, who had been sensing his nervous tension through their bond ever since he arrived, laid his hand soothingly over Jim’s where it rested beside his bowl. “Whatever the results are, you know that my feelings for you will remain unchanged.”

“Even though you’ll have to change bondmates?” Kirk looked at him forlornly across the small, round table at which they sat.  “Couldn’t you just marry her in name only?” he pleaded. 

“That would mean taking her as a small wife, subordinate to you. My bond with her would be only of the flesh, not of the mind.  But it would still be demeaning to you, having to share your bondmate with another while our bond is still intact.”

“Would you—burn for her—as you do for me?” Kirk asked, dreading the answer yet needing to hear it.

“I will burn only for you, Jim. Always,” Spock told him, his deep voice becoming even lower with passion, carefully suppressed, but still plain to see in his dark eyes.  “When the fever is on me, I will turn to her only if you are not available.  As my primary spouse, you will have the right to lie with me first.” 

Kirk grasped his big hand with both of his as he looked at him longingly. “I’ll settle for that, if it means we can stay together,” he said softly. 

“You should not have to settle for such an arrangement, Jim. One such as you deserves more than a bondmate with divided loyalties.”  Spock laid his other hand atop Jim’s hands, caressing the other man’s fingers as only a bondmate had the right to do publicly.   “Why don’t you have our bond dissolved today, by one of the healers here?  It will be less painful for you when I—consummate my new bond.”  The thought of lying with Saavik, whom he loved like a daughter, made him feel sick inside, but his Vulcan sense of honor told him sternly that it had to be done if the bond was to be legally recognized. 

“I’m not ready to dissolve the bond yet. Not until I know for sure that it has to be.”  Kirk felt himself becoming aroused by the tender touches on the psi points in his hands, as he always was when his Vulcan bondmate touched fingers with him.  “If you’re determined to do this, you’re going to need my consent.  Or else settle for taking Saavik as your small wife.  She won’t care about being your secondary spouse; all she wants is security for her baby.  And all I want is you.” 

“As I do thee, _t'hy’la_.” Both men leaned over the table, meeting in the middle for a passionate kiss. They were interrupted in midsmooch by the beeping of Kirk’s communicator.  Tearing himself away from Spock’s lips with great reluctance, he fished the instrument from inside his scarlet uniform jacket, which hung on the back of his chair, and flipped it open.  “Kirk here,” he said tersely.

“Hello, Jim, it’s me,” came McCoy’s voice from the communicator. “I’ve got the results of the DNA test.”

“What is it, Bones?” Kirk stood up, ramrod straight, as he braced himself to hear the news, as did Spock on his side of the table. 

“Well, according to this little ol’ printout,” McCoy said slowly in his Southern drawl, drawing it out for dramatic effect, “Saavik’s little girl has 25% Romulan DNA and 25% Vulcan on her mama’s side.  And on her daddy’s side, she’s got 50% human DNA.”

“Are you sure, Bones?” Kirk felt himself becoming giddy with relief.

“Yep, I’m sure, Jim. The test results are much clearer now than they were during the first trimester.  David Marcus was the father of this baby.  I’d stake my Hippocratic Oath on it.” 

Kirk almost laughed out loud with joy, but remembered in time that he was in a sacred precinct where such noisy emotional outbursts were frowned upon.  He settled for saying, “Thank you, Bones.  Thank you so much,” in a shaky voice that sounded on the verge of tears.

“You’re welcome, Jim. Give my regards to that green-blooded hobgoblin you’re married to.  Looks like you’re stuck with him. See you later.”  McCoy signed off. 

Kirk turned to Spock, who was still leaning on his side of the table. “You heard that, didn’t you?”

Spock nodded, making no attempt to hide the joy and relief he felt. “The child has 50% human DNA, which she would only have if her father was completely human.  I am only half human.  Therefore, she must be David Marcus’ child.”

“Therefore, we don’t need a divorce.” Kirk tossed his communicator on the table and walked into his bondmate’s arms.  Their kiss was long, hot, and wet.  The front of Spock’s robe was soon wet as well, with more than just sweat.  There was an identical wet spot on the front of his human bondmate’s uniform trousers. 

“Are you still hungry?” Kirk asked him huskily.

“Yes, but not for food,” Spock informed him breathlessly.

“So am I.” They walked back inside together arm in arm, heading for the bed in the left corner, furthest from the door. 

Presently, one of the shrine’s attendants came to Spock’s quarters to see if he and his guest had finished their lunch. Knocking on the polished black wood door, the white-robed acolyte wearing an apron around his waist called out, “Lord Spock, are thee finished with the noon meal?”  Receiving no answer, the young man opened the unlocked door and took three steps inside, then froze.  There were no lights on, but the room was still dimly lit by the bright sunlight coming in from the terrace.  The acolyte could see the abandoned lunch dishes on the table outside.  He could also hear the unmistakable sounds of passion coming from the bed in the far left corner.  The temptation to turn his head and see what was going on in the bed was almost overwhelming, but he resisted it.  He backed out quickly, his sandaled feet making no sound on the polished yellow floor tiles, gently shutting the door as he left. 

Once outside, he took a piece of chalk from his apron pocket and drew on the black door the Vulcan symbol for privacy, which in this place usually meant that the room’s occupant was engaged in a private activity; meditating, bathing or sleeping. He thought it appropriate to use the symbol in this case as well, since Lord Spock and his bondmate were engaging in a private activity.  That the two were bondmates was unmistakable; even someone as young and inexperienced as he was could sense the strong mating bond between them.  And if he didn’t get out of here soon, he was in danger of being overcome by the waves of lust emanating from the bed in the far left corner.  Tucking his hands into his sleeves, he headed for the mediation chapel to regain his emotional balance in its cool silence. 

Inside the room, the heated silence was broken by passionate moans and breathy sighs of pleasure. A naked Kirk lay face down beneath an equally naked Spock, clutching a pillow to his chest while Spock’s strong hands gripped him by the hips, holding him down as he pumped his long, hard, green cock into the hot, tight, pink ass.  Had his precum not been flowing so freely, they would have had no lubricant other than Jim’s saliva, from the vigorous sucking he had given the beloved Vulcan organ only moments ago.  The human’s mouth had descended upon it the moment Spock had removed his robe.  Spock had only been able to endure a few moments of the pleasurable activity before he felt himself upon the verge of orgasm.  It had been hard for him to remove his cock from Jim’s mouth, but he had managed to do so before he exploded with pleasure.  Seeing the moist cockhead dripping in front of his face had made Jim finish pulling his clothes off and fling himself down on the bed, spreading his legs invitingly.  Spock had wasted no time mounting him and entering him with one quick thrust.  Now he was fucking him hard and fast, as mindless as an animal in heat, moaning low as he took his pleasure from his willing bondmate.  Jim’s answering sighs were occasionally interrupted by sobs as pleasure became painful.  Happily, that didn’t happen too often. 

At last Spock’s relentless thrusting made Jim cried out in joyful relief, as he felt his pleasure streaming from him like a torrent of liquid fire. His ass contracted spasmodically on the cock embedded inside him, causing Spock to climax too.  He nearly shouted with joy, stifling it at the last moment so that it emerged from his mouth as a long, drawn out moan.  He collapsed on Jim’s back and lay covering him like a comforter of flesh, panting softly as he got his breath back.  Jim lay breathing heavily too, his face turned to one side, his expression one of mindless ecstasy. 

_*James Tiberius Kirk, parted from me and never parted,*_   Spock told him silently through their bond as he lay on him in the narrow bed, _*never and always touching and touched, I greet thee in the appointed place.*_

__*Spock, son of Sarek, parted from me and never parted,*__ Jim replied, relishing the sweet weight of him on his back after so long apart, __*never and always touching and touched, I await thee in the appointed place.*__ He added, __*Welcome home, t’hy’la.__

___*Wherever you are is my home, t'hy’la,*___ Spock agreed. ___*May we never be parted again.*___

____*That’s up to Starfleet Command, love. There’s nothing to keep us from going back to Earth now.*_ _ _ _

__*We will face them together, then. You and I, and the rest of our crew.*__

___*Even Saavik?*_ _ _

__*Yes, if she wishes to come. But I suggest she travel in the ambassadorial shuttle with my father.  We cannot risk the loss of her precious cargo.*_ _

___*No, we can’t. I’m glad it’s my grandchild she’s carrying.  That should give Carol some comfort.*_   __He intended to notify Carol Marcus as soon as possible. Right now he just wanted to be with his bondmate, rejoicing in their rediscovered intimacy.  

He and Spock lay together for the rest of the day, until the red sun set in crimson glory outside. The rest of Spock’s memory was still haphazard at best, but at least their bond was intact.  And it would remain so, come hell or high water.  Literally, as they would soon discover during their return to Earth.   

_EPILOG: 23 WEEKS LATER..._

In the Maternity Ward of Shi’Khar General Hospital, Saavik was resting comfortably with the baby in her arms when they admitted her visitors. By Vulcan custom, all the members of the immediate family were admitted first, which meant Sarek and Amanda as the new mother’s foster grandparents, Spock and Kirk as her foster parents, and Doctor Carol Marcus as the new baby’s grandmother _._

Amanda and Carol, the former in a bright yellow gown, the latter in a sensible blue and white pantsuit, both fussed over the baby like doting grandmothers. Kirk, in Starfleet uniform, beamed like a proud grandfather, while Spock, also in uniform, and Sarek in semi-formal gray robes, stood off to one side letting the humans admire the infant in their emotional manner.  “What do you think of her, Father?” Spock asked his father softly.

“She is fair, for a Vulcan,” Sarek murmured; the baby’s coloring was a lighter shade of olive than his half-human son’s. “Her hair looks like your mother’s, when she was young.  But there is definitely a tinge of auburn from her own mother.”  Sarek examined the baby’s profile as Saavik held her up for Doctor Marcus to admire.  “Her nose is not as prominent as ours.  Her eyes are green, which I understand is often the result when a brown-eyed person mates with a blue-eyed one.  Saavik has dark eyes.  I take it the late Doctor Marcus had blue eyes?”

“Yes, so does his mother.” Doctor Marcus was cooing over the baby, who stared up at her from her mother’s arms with her big, green eyes.  Her curly, reddish-blond hair was still fluffy from the bath she had been given while still fresh from her mother’s womb, covered in green blood and clear placental fluid.  She now wore a bright red gown and was wrapped in a red blanket, traditional for newborn girls on Vulcan, which suited her better than the traditional pink she would have been wearing in a human hospital.  As her grandmother admired her, she noticed a little curl in the middle of her forehead.   

“Look, Jim! There’s that curl that always used to dangle right in the middle of your forehead!” she said, pointing it out to him.  “David had one too, when he was little.” 

“No kidding?” Kirk smiled as he bent closer to look at the baby.  At that moment, Doctor McCoy suddenly entered the room.

“Hi, y’all!” McCoy said cheerfully, waving a bottle of pink champagne. “The others are all outside waiting to see the baby.  I talked the nurse into letting me in first ‘cause I’m a doctor.  Told her I was Saavik’s initial physician and I wanted to see how my former patient was doing.  How are you, Saavik?”

“I am fine, Doctor. It is good to see you again.” Saavik gave him one of her rare smiles as she held her baby. “It is good to see all of you again, restored to your rightful places aboard the new ENTERPRISE.  I was hoping that justice would prevail when you left for Earth.” 

“Hell, I was just hoping to get back to Earth in one piece! Who knew we’d be taking a detour through the past?  To look for whales, for God’s sake!  Anyway, I bought a little something to wet the baby’s head.” 

Saavik looked puzzled. “Surely you do not intend to pour champagne over my daughter’s head?  I thought that was how they christened starships?”

“It is only an expression, Saavik- _kam_ ,” Spock explained to her.  “The good doctor merely wishes to drink a toast to your child with the champagne that he has provided.”  

“Thank you, Doctor McCoy. You are most thoughtful.”  The baby let out a loud wail to get her mother’s attention.  Saavik spent a few moments soothing her before speaking to McCoy again.  “Come and see my daughter, Doctor.”

McCoy came up to the bed and studied the baby closely. “Oh, she’s a beauty, Saavik.  Yep, she sure is.  Hello, little lady, welcome to the world.”  He reached for the child, then pulled back, remembering the Vulcan taboo against touching babies and children who were not related to you by blood.  “Has she got a name yet?”

“Yes, Saara. It means ‘hope’.”  Saavik regarded her lovingly as the child lifted one tiny, pale green hand to touch her mother’s face, which is instinctive with Vulcan infants.  She was too young to think in words, so she could only project what she was feeling into her mother’s mind.  Saavik felt a lively curiosity enter her mind, as well as a sense of being warm, safe and dry.   Saavik knew that soon she would feel hungry as well.  She hoped there would be enough milk in her breasts to satisfy the child.  If not, they would have to use the formula the doctors had prescribed as best for an infant of Vulcan/Romulan/human descent. 

McCoy continued to stare at the child as if he couldn’t get enough of her beauty. He was really looking at the little curl in the middle of her forehead, which reminded him of his friend Jim Kirk in his younger days.  “I’ll be damned!” he muttered. 

“Isn’t my grandbaby lovely?” Doctor Marcus asked him.  “Doesn’t she look just like her father?” 

“As a matter of fact, I was just thinking she looked like her grandfather.” He looked at Kirk, who was still hanging over the baby with a big, happy grin on his face.  Saara looked up at him, her big, green eyes bright, her small face mirroring his smile, her pointed little ears making her resemble a baby elf, and reached out one tiny, green hand to him. 

Kirk responded to the baby’s outstretched hand the way that most people do. He held out his hand with the index finger extended so she could wrap her little fingers around it.  When she did, a strange expression came over his face. 

“Captain?” asked Saavik, still getting used to the new title after having known him only as “admiral”. “Is something wrong?”

“I-I’m not sure,” said Kirk, now as wide-eyed as the baby as they both stared at each other in wonder. “Spock, are Vulcan babies usually telepathic at birth?”  

Spock and his father both regarded him with astonishment, each one with an eyebrow raised. “Surely she cannot be communicating with you at such a tender age, Jim?” Spock said. 

“It is more usual for Vulcans to be empathic, rather then telepathic, at birth,” Sarek explained. “Especially with those of their own blood."

“Do you mean Vulcan babies can communicate with anybody of Vulcan blood?” Kirk asked as the baby continued to grip his finger.  “Because she’s sure coming through to _me_ loud and clear!”

“Of course she is; you are of her blood,” Sarek told him patiently. “When I said ‘those of their own blood’, I was referring to blood relatives, not just other Vulcans.” 

“Yes, Jim,” said Amanda, looking fondly at the baby as she befuddled her grandfather with a touch. “Spock was the same way with me when he was a baby, projecting his emotions into my mind to let me know when he was happy, sad, wet or hungry.  If you weren’t related to her, she would be crying at your touch.”

“Are you saying that only blood relatives can handle a Vulcan baby without making it cry?” McCoy asked her. 

“Yes, Leonard. Why do you think Vulcans don’t allow anybody outside of the family to touch their children?” 

“Let me try holding her,” said Carol Marcus, holding out her arms for the baby. Saavik carefully put the baby in her arms.  The human scientist cuddled the Vulcanoid baby against her breast.  Saara responded by smiling up at her.  “Oh, you little darling!” Carol cooed.  “You’re such a sweetie!  If only your daddy was here!” 

_*Well, thank God he isn’t*!_ McCoy thought with relief as he looked at Spock, who was now at his bondmate’s side; Kirk was listening to Sarek explain how Vulcan children were born without telepathic shielding, and why they had to be protected from unfamiliar minds until they were old enough to know how to shield themselves against outside thoughts. * _And thank God that David’s sperm was able to get there ahead of Spock’s! If I had known that little fact about Vulcan babies not being able to stand the touch of anyone who isn’t family, I sure wouldn’t have been tempted to do what I almost did that day at the hospital.*_

McCoy felt himself break out in a cold sweat as he remembered standing there waiting for the test results to emerge. That was when he began thinking how easy it would be to alter them, so that David would appear to be the father.  Nobody would have known; he was the physician in charge, Amanda and T’Lar weren’t in the room, and Saavik wasn’t able to see him from the exam table where she was lying. _*I was ready to compromise my professional ethics, so that my friends could stay together. The cause would have been sufficient, as the Vulcans say. Yeah, if those test results had shown that Spock was the father, I think I would have run them through again and programmed the computer to give a different result. Thank God it wasn’t necessary. When I saw the results and realized that David was the father after all, I was so relieved that I didn’t have to bear the burden of more guilt. I already have enough to carry around, knowing I’m responsible for my father’s death.*_   McCoy couldn’t help giving a melancholy sigh, remembering how he, as a young physician, had put an end to his terminally ill father’s suffering at the older man’s request.  Learning a week later that a cure for his father’s illness had been found had only made the young McCoy feel worse.

Spock looked up from his father’s lecture at the sound of the doctor’s sigh. _*Why does McCoy look so melancholy? The birth of a child is supposed to be a joyous occasion.  Especially this child, who is the heir of both our houses, Jim’s and mine.*_ He caught the doctor’s eye and raised one eyebrow at him, asking without words what was troubling him.  McCoy just smiled at him sheepishly, as if embarrassed, before turning away to fetch the rest of the crew who were waiting outside. 

Eventually all of the ENTERPRISE bridge crew were gathered about Saavik’s bed holding paper cups filled with pink champagne (all the humans, anyway; Spock and his father drank sparkling water), toasting Saavik and baby Saara. Doctor Marcus kept going on and on about her grandchild and how much she took after David.  Saavik was fascinated to learn more about the man she had briefly loved.  Kirk listened because he was eager to know more about the son he had barely known.  Everybody else listened with only half an ear, preferring to talk softly among themselves as they admired the baby, whose bright, red blanket now covered her and Saavik as she nursed at her mother’s breast. 

THE END


End file.
